#it's always the path of least resistance...

[hrtwayne]

Opposite Sides || Gio Queiroz

Pairing: Gio Queiroz x Barcelona Girlfriend!Reader

Summary: Where Gio and her girlfriend play on opposite sides in the Copa de la Reina final.

Note: English isn’t my first language!

Warning: None!

▪︎ Woso Masterlist

You were wrapped in your Barcelona hoodie, headphones muffling the stadium noise with a random Taylor Swift song. Your fingers drummed against your thighs, the fast-paced rhythm matching the beat of your heart. This was an important match—not just any final, but the first time you and Gio would face each other in a decisive game. 

You sighed, adjusting your cleats before stepping onto the field. The Champions League defeat still stung, but today was a new chance. The other team had potential, of course, but you knew Barcelona was superior. At least on paper. 

The Catalan anthem echoed through the stadium, and you stood in position, eyes half-closed, feeling the energy of the crowd. From the corner of your eye, you caught Gio’s focused gaze—her lips slightly pressed together, her stance firm. The Brazilian striker wore that cocky expression you knew so well, the same one she got when she was determined to prove something. 

When the two of you crossed paths during the pre-game handshake, you couldn’t resist. 

"Good luck, darling. You’re gonna need it," you whispered, lips curling into a half-smirk. 

Gio chuckled softly, shaking her head. 

"We’ll see who needs luck," she shot back, eyes gleaming with challenge. 

That’s how it always was between you two. Taunts, healthy competition—but when you were on the same team, you were a lethal, almost telepathic duo. Today, though, you were on opposite sides. 

The game was intense from the first minute. Gio, agile and sharp, kept trying to break through the defense, but you were there, closing gaps, anticipating her moves. You knew every feint, every sideways glance she gave before darting forward. 

And then, midway through the match, came the decisive moment. You intercepted a pass, looked up, and launched a perfect ball—a calculated strike that landed at Pina’s feet. The second goal. The stadium erupted, and your teammates piled onto you as you shook your head, trying not to smile too wide—after all, Gio was on the other side. 

When the final whistle blew, sealing Barça’s victory, you scanned the field for your girlfriend. You found her in a quieter corner, still catching her breath, her face marked by quiet frustration. 

"Hey, darling," you called, walking over. 

Gio looked up, and for a second, she seemed to try masking her disappointment. But when you pulled her into a hug, she gave in, burying her face in your shoulder. 

"You played well," you murmured, running your fingers through her blonde hair. 

"Not well enough, apparently," Gio grumbled, her voice muffled. 

You let out a small smile, pressing a kiss to her temple. 

"Things don’t always go the way we want, darling," you said, rubbing her back. "But next time, maybe I’ll be the frustrated one." 

Gio let out a quiet laugh, finally lifting her head. 

"Fine. But don’t expect me to console you so easily." 

You laughed, squeezing her hand. 

"Fair enough." 

And so, even on opposite sides, you kept going—rivaling, teasing, but always finding your way back to each other. Because in the end, football united you, even when it pulled you apart on the pitch. 

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

THE HUNDRED LINE: LAST DEFENSE ACADEMY - Journal #12: Route 4 - "TRUE" ROUTE DAY 33-58 [MASSIVE SPOILERS]

//After I finished the Conspiracy Route of the game, I kept playing down the supposed "main" route of the game, without hitting any endings in particular.

//I do feel like I am just on the verge of one, so I will most likely cover that ending in my next journal. However, for this one specifically, I will be going back to the old format for these, covering it day by day, and breaking down my thoughts and feelings on each event that happens.

//Because trust me, there is...A...LOT!

//We get some CRITICAL revelations and new information in SPADES in this segment, and covering this many days, when I would normally do around 10, means this post has the potential to be quite long, so I'm going to try and abridge my experience and break it down as plainly as possible in the points where I need to.

//...Strap in I guess, and as per usual...

DO NOT READ THE REST OF THIS POST IF YOU HAVE NOT PLAYED/SEEN THE HUNDRED LINE: LAST DEFENSE ACADEMY. I WILL BE TALKING ABOUT VERY SPECIFIC PLOT POINTS AND MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE GAME.

//So let's get into it...

DAY 33:

//So to recap where we last left off, we completed the Conspiracy Route, which kicks off with a critical decision that is made in this battle.

//After the UFB defeats V'ehxness, she employs a gambit that involves kidnapping Kurara and Gaku, so she may absorb them to heal herself and replenish her Hemoanima. In the timeline that I played through previously, the path diverged after I saved Kurara, and left Gaku to die.

//However, in order to stick to the true beaten path, we need to save Gaku. So with a heavy heart, I went back to Day 33 afterwards, and decided to let Gaku get absorbed by V'ehxness.

//Well...I say "heavy heart." But I mostly mean that I'll miss Kurara. I certainly won't miss the Conspiracy Route.

//One thing that did annoy me here is that even though I've already done this fight in full, and despite how there's a critical decision at the end if it, this is the only time the game hasn't given me the prompt to skip the fight.

//Granted, it's probably BECAUSE of the decision at the end, but again, this is easily fixed if you just have a WAVE skip feature. Get on that, TooKyo.

//Anyway, Kurara gets absorbed, and I hate V'ehxness with a burning passion.

//Seriously, the more I see of V'ehxness, the more I dislike her. Not because I think she's a poorly written villain or anything. In fact, I quite like the idea of there being a character in one of these games who is just pure evil. But this narrative structure is a bit of a double-edged sword to be honest.

//On the one hand, this portrayal of a supremely strong and unyielding force of evil serves to further themes of war, loss, and the high price of resistance. It presents a more realistically tragic picture of struggle, challenging the conventional heroic fantasy of effortless victory.

//Because let's be real. The idea of the heroes ALWAYS coming out on top against their enemies in a game that is about the horrors of war is VERY unrealistic. The fact that only a few characters died in the original timeline, and most of them were offscreen, was in line with the idea of a video game. But this part of the story now feels like it could be happening in a real life scenario, where we are forced to watch our friends die as we slowly sink deeper into pain, knowing we can't fucking beat this threat.

//However, this approach, for me at least, becomes very narratively unsatisfying from how often it happens. Having a villain like V'ehxness runs the risk of making the game seem pointless when she consistently invalidates the effort by taking back control, reviving herself, or invalidating hard-won victories.

//If every strategic success is undone, and each emotional investment leads only to greater loss, the game can veer into narrative stagnation, where progress is illusory. Which undermines not only the tension, but...you know...the whole CONCEPT of the game?

//If the result is always the same—V'ehxness wins and someone dies—then the stakes lose their significance.

//But...hey, that's something I'm gonna have to get used to. I just hate her and needed to rant.

//You know, the funny thing is, at this point I was wondering if Takumi maybe had the power to jump back in time again, even if he didn't retain his memories. It doesn't make any sense to me that he could only do something like that once when he didn't lose the UFB's power.

//It didn't make an awful lot of sense to me that he didn't try for a better ending, but I guess that's player choice at the end of the day, since most of these endings are kind of independent of each other regardless.

//I bring this up because I recently watched a horror movie called Happy Death Day for the first time, and it reminded me of that.

//For those who don't know, Happy Death Day is a black comedy slasher film that is, in short, Scream meets Groundhog Day.

//The story follows Tree Gelbman (Yes, her name is Tree; it's short for Theresa), a college student who is murdered on her birthday, only to wake up and relive the same day over and over again. Each time she is killed, the loop resets, and she retains her memories, allowing her to gradually uncover clues about her killer's identity, so she uses each iteration to not only survive but also to become a better person, confronting her own past and relationships.

//Which felt like a really uncanny movie to watch, since I imagine Takumi doing the same thing with his timelines, going back to rectify his mistakes.

DAY 34:

//Like at the beginning of the Conspiracy route, Day 34 starts off with Sirei giving everyone the super energy drink.

//Bro is built different, lol.

//Anyway, this scene doesn't change too much from how it was in the previous route, except for two major differences.

//One: Gaku is here instead of Kurara, for obvious reasons.

//And Two: Nozomi is not present, also for obvious reasons.

DAY 35:

//Oh, so THAT'S where this sprite comes from!

//I remember seeing it in the demo files, and was thinking "How is Kako gonna secretly turn out to be some sort of horndog." And then the kinky group sex line from the demo didn't really reassure me on that.

//But no, she's not horny, she's just drunk.

//It is funny seeing the Tsukumo twins looking all high and dumb next to each other.

//Not much to report on, only that the gang have apparently been drinking all night, and I get Free Time again...Not that I can SPEND it on anything.

//Honestly, I was running a bit low on materials after all the upgrades and gifts and shit I was doing, but because everyone is drinking their depression away, and Nozomi is too caught up over Kurara's death, Hiruko and Eva are the only two who can come with me on expeditions, and that's not really worth the trouble in my opinion.

//The problem is there is very little else I can do in this Free Time because of that. Getting the resources I need to upgrade my kit, tools, and bonds using gifts isn't possible when basically everyone in my team is indisposed.

//So my only choice is to either sleep through the day, or do the VR missions, so I did the latter.

DAY 36:

//This whole next segment of the story gave me some tense feelings.

//For starters, Hiruko’s behavior is starting to mirror Takumi’s from earlier, right after he was knocked out by Sirei. She’s now putting total, unquestioning trust in Sirei, almost like she’s been rewired to follow him blindly.

//When Takumi finally brings up the secret she once uncovered about the war (the one she tried to reveal in the original timeline before Eito killed her) she doesn't seem to have any idea what he's talking about.

Which strongly suggests that, just like with Takumi, Sirei may have tampered with her memories too.

//I really hope this doesn't mean we need to go to ANOTHER route to find out what she was talking about.

//The silver lining is that Hiruko herself seems to sense something is off. There’s a flicker of awareness in her that gives hope.

//I can't help but laugh about how I immediately found Sirei endearing, but now that he's getting the chance to actually, you know, be a character, I REALLY don't like him. I'll talk more about this near the conclusion of this post, but this isn't the first sign of bullshittery we get from him.

//But while that confrontation brews in the background, we’ve got another urgent matter: cheering up Nozomi. She’s been through a lot lately, and Takumi’s determined to do something meaningful for her.

//The plan is to build her a telescope, so Takumi and Eva gear up for another crucial expedition, this time to gather the rare materials needed for it.

//Unfortunately, the rest of the team is still recovering or otherwise unavailable, leaving only Eva and Hiruko able to accompany him, like I said before.

DAY 37:

//Fortunately, this issue does get resolved the next day, as everyone manages to recover from their slumps, except Nozomi, which I guess is to be expected.

//Am I the only one who noticed that Nozomi is unavailable more than any other character in this game is on frequent occassion? There's always some sort of reason in each timeline that prevents you from hanging out with her or taking her out on expeditions.

//Anyway, Takumi gives her the telescope, and the two stargaze. Leading to a very soft moment between the two.

//I love these moments with these two. They're easily my two favourite characters in this game, and their interactions are so familiar and wholesome, and it's always the best part of whatever bad situation we end up in.

//For some reason, I feel more connected to them than I have any of Kodaka's protagonist pairs. And yes, I do mean Naegiri, Hinananami, and the Training Trio.

//I love those characters and their dynamics, don't get it twisted. But these two together are just the best and most wholesome.

//Maybe it's because Takumi and Nozomi are more Uchikoshi-coded though, like Junpei and Akane from 999.

//Anyway, the good times can't last because, as expected, Nozomi suddenly starts experiencing rejection symptoms again.

//Obviously, everyone knows about Nozomi's unique circumstances here, so Takumi goes to explain the problem to everyone, and that they need to raid an enemy base and have Nozomi absorb a Commander's hemoanima to cure her.

//This leads to honestly a pretty badass and just generally satisfying moment.

//Sirei refuses to allow Takumi to raid the base, because they need all hands on deck, and he can't afford to split the group. And of course, since Sirei has kind of bugged Takumi to make him subservient, Takumi begins to (be forced to) see the reason in Sirei's words. And the little shit clearly knows he's in control.

//At least he does for a moment.

//Takumi's love for his childhood friend finally overpowers the hold Sirei has on him, and if Sirei refuses to let him go, he will go by himself.

//Unfortunately for Sirei, the others don't accept this. Moko, Takemaru, and Yugamu agree to join him on the strike force, and Sirei is given no choice but to acquiesce.

DAY 40:

//Jumping ahead a little bit, because I don't have anything critical to report, but as we've done in previous timelines, we get to the Invader base, and fight.

//However, one thing that IS different this time is I actually had Nozomi use her healing ability on herself. As you know, in these rejection symptom fights, Nozomi starts the fight with two thirds of her health, and is chronically slowed. But I never used her own healing ability on herself to see if that cures it.

//Turns out it does, so why the fuck are we even bothering?

//Okay, I kid. I know that Nozomi is using the Hemoanima to heal herself, which would probably make the symptoms worse in canon. I just think it's funny that this illness can be resolved with the push of a button.

//Anyway, like in the other timelines where I did this fight, the Commander we battle against is Quenzelle, the Commander who flies in the air and drops eggs.

//Although, one thing I couldn't help but notice is Quenzelle doesn't really drop eggs in any of the fights against him other than his initial one. I wonder why they gave him that power, only for him to never use it.

//Overall though, we have a fairly easy fight.

//But it ends interestingly, with Quenzelle saying similar things to Eva and Addamaque. He implies that humans were the ones who attacked the Invaders first, which we do get more information on later, but more on that in a bit.

DAY 41:

//If we got back to the school to find the Invaders attack, I would have pissed my own ass. Fortunately, we're in the clear.

//Everyone heads off to get some rest, but Takumi and Nozomi hold back.

//We get yet another touching scene where these two lovebirds open up to each other, and it ends with, surprisingly, Takumi telling Nozomi about everything that happened between them.

//INCLUDING how Nozomi is supposedly his childhood friend Karua, after having her memories of their life being taken from her...supposedly.

//Like I said, I love these moments between these two...And this one is my favourite so far. Takumi finally seems to realize how much this whole thing is weighing on him, now that he's finally being open and honest about it. How much he misses Karua, and his home, and his normal life, and how he chose to put the burden of saving his friends on himself, while blaming himself for every point he failed.

//And Nozomi understanding this, even without the context is just... *chef's kiss.*

//What makes it even better is that the English Dub makes it so powerful. Jay Rincon and Leader Looi do an amazing job selling the pain and recognition feeling between these two characters.

//Unfortunately, this wholesome and heartwarming moment is ended on a low note.

//Nozomi talks more about her backstory in corrolation to Karua, after Takumi notes that the scar is the deciding factor as to what helped him recognize her in the end. But Nozomi claims that her mother also died in the car accident.

//This is a completely different story than she told before, where she explained her mother committed suicide after her research was halted.

//This is a pretty big deal, beacuse avenging her mother was the whole reason Nozomi is even here. So what gives?

DAY 42:

//Takumi suspects Sirei might have fiddled with Nozomi's memory too, which is not impossible. And the idea is reinforced when the guy starts being a gaslighting little shit when Takumi confronts him about it.

//Sirei instead implies that when Takumi jumped back in time, he actually jumped into a different universe where things were a bit different. Considering how varied some of these timelines are, I don't think this is necessarily wrong, but that...

//...combined with that fact that THIS happens makes me think he's just fucking around.

//I got genuine trauma from this, because I saw this kind of scene essentially non-stop in the Conspiracy route.

DAY 43:

//I genuinely take back everything good I said about Sirei by this point.

//The guy is gaslighting the hell out of me, and is lobotomizing not only Takumi, but everyone else, because he's so insecure, and feels so powerless to control the members of the SDU.

//It makes me wonder why he even bothered trying to ease us into fighting in the first place if he could just tinker with our memories and make us into entirely different people who become subservient with him.

//What's upsetting most is as the commanding officer, Sirei is responsible for helping humanity win this war, yet it feels like every time we've fucked up in the past, it is always his fault.

//The entire casual route was his fault, for instance. And it's only because of his shitty commandeering of the situations that we lost Kyoshika and Kurara in meaningless sacrifices.

//And the whole thing becomes even more uncomfortable and disgusting over the ensuing days.

DAY 44:

//Honestly speaking, had I not developed such an intense hatred for Sirei's actions over these past few days, I think I might have been able to stomach Day 44 to 46...But as it happens, this part of the game ended up being incredibly controversial, and I think I'm starting to understand why people were complaining about it.

//Effectively, what starts this off is Kako makes Eva eat something strange, and for a brief moment, it actually seemed to snap her out of the brainwashing Sirei inflicted on her.

//She starts screaming something about her sister, and it looks like she's about to relapse fully, when Sirei strides in and takes her out, as he does OFTEN in this second scenario.

//Which you hate to see. Especially given how much I've already grown to like Eva.

//This kickstarts a three-day sequence where Takumi is roped by Sirei and Nigou into re-brainwashing Eva to make her compliant again.

//Honestly, this whole situation is emotionally exhausting. I wish the game gave us a choice to let us say no to the idea of brainwashing her, but instead, it feels like we’re being railroaded into complicity.

//I mean get it. Takumi’s probably still under Sirei’s lingering influence, and maybe that’s part of the point. But it doesn’t make it any easier to stomach.

//At the very least, Takumi’s discomfort is obvious. He’s not okay with what’s happening, even if he can’t fully resist it yet. That small resistance in him is all we have to hold onto.

//And then it got…deeply uncomfortable. Because it's another roullette wheel game where you spin it, and whichever it lands on will be her new personality, until we get her back to "normal."

//The first time I did it, it landed on "Decadent." And...

//It got this...

//How the FUCK does "Decadent," mean HORNY!?

//Yeah, not gonna lie, I'm USED to Kodaka and Uchikoshi doing shit like this, but even for me, this was unsetelling and distressing.

//Anyway, it's a failure, so we try again tomorrow.

//On a brighter note, Nozomi reached Bond Rank 2 today. She’s still an absolute ray of sunshine, and honestly, we desperately needed that right now.

DAY 45:

//Despite all the shit that happens here, Day 45 actually starts off well.

//Gaku tried to recreate Kurara’s curry, and everyone eats it for breakfast that morning.

//Gaku doesn't get a lot of good moments after the initial time we see him step up to fight, and then I guess when he holds the festival to cheer Kako up and make up for making her upset.

//I don't hate Gaku, because he has his moments like this, and I like that he's still carrying the weight of being the one who survived when Kurara didn’t. Kind of shows that despite how much they hated each other, he does miss her.

//I was also a LITTLE happier, because when we brainwashed Eva again, THIS TIME the wheel landed on "violent." Which led to another one of these super angry breakdowns like the one in the Casual Route.

//Unfortunately, it doesn't last, but I WAS kind of hoping she'd break out and go on a rampage.

DAY 46:

//My heart bleeds for Shouma in moments like this.

//Throughout this arc, he's clearly been devastated by what Eva’s going through. You can tell he genuinely cares about her, and he just doesn’t know how to help. Watching someone you love fall apart while you’re powerless to stop it is like torture, I can imagine.

//The good news is we finally managed to "cure" her this time. She seems stable, at least for now. But even that is bittersweet, since, as Takumi says, this isn't really who she is.

//Nigou’s reaction is…a bit off-putting. He’s way too cheerful about Eva returning to her submissive state. I get that he’s relieved she’s not being harmed anymore, but his tone felt tone-deaf.

//She is still brainwashed, after all. But hey, I am also glad that we're not gonna kill or torture her any more.

DAY 47:

//Aw shit...Here we go again...!

//Yeah, I'm never gonna be a fan of THIS fight. Who knows how many more fucking times I'm gonna have to sit through it.

//This time around, we get to see Nigou in his human form during the hallucination. Which, in theory, should be fairly standard, but the moment he shows up, everyone in the dream starts threatening him on sight, which I think is really funny. Poor guy can’t catch a break, even in people’s dreams.

//Wow not even a reference, just straight up name-dropping the character.

//Also, Eva is here too, and in the dream sequence, she basically confirms that she is an alien. Though in the sequence the Artificial Satellite is her spaceship, so I'm not sure if that's meant to suggest something.

//The way this event pans out this time around is similar, but still different. So, apparently, due to her cryptoglobin being boosted, Turamtammi's power is now strong enough to the point where normal human ears cannot pick up the frequency of her music, which is why we all got corrupted anyway...

//Kiiiiiinda weird that this is only happening in this route and not any of the others where I've fought her?

//But just like last time, the UFB is able to resist the effects, and goes to save Takumi. Though we actually experience the game from his perspective for a little bit.

//I genuinely feel for UFB. The little guy just wants to be included.

//Well, THAT'S a hell of a statement.

//We end up in a huge battle again. Same setup as last time: facing off against Turamtammi and Nyewgank. But this time, I stuck around for the whole thing instead of fast-forwarding through it.

//But then…EITO shows up.

After we take down Nyewgank, Eito suddenly jumps in, siding with the Invaders, and of course, it's playing his wack-ass boss theme again.

//The more important thing though is, like before, Eito has unlocked the truth behind the war, or at least parts of it. And as he has a tendency to do, he's yapping during his boss fight.

//I was actually getting hyped for a proper showdown with him. Thought we’d get some intense back-and-forth…but nope. I obliterated him in a single hit. So so much for dramatic tension.

//After the fight, in typical Eito fashion, he pulls a wild move and absorbs both Turamtammi and Nyewgank before we can.

//Eito starts unraveling the whole mystery too. Not only does he essentially confirm that Sirei has been messing with the group's memories, he even makes a case that there’s no guarantee that the people we think we’re protecting are even on the Artificial Satellite anymore.

//He also explains that the reason he's siding with the Invaders is because his final plan is to absorb our Cryptoglobin, then allow himself to be consumed by V’ehxness to reach some twisted form of transcendence, and make her all-powerful so she'll kill us all.

//Not sure why he wouldn't try to do it the other way around honestly; let V'ehxness absorb the power then take it from her so that he can be the one to kill off humanity. But Eito is as Eito does I guess?

DAY 48:

//Seeing as UFB managed to save the group the previous day, Takumi goes to talk to Sirei again about letting him get on the squad. This time, we will get through to him.

//...Or not.

//FUCKING TRY HARDER TAKUMI! MY GOD!

//Takumi doesn't even have the excuse of being subservient to Sirei anymore! He's kind of moved past that, so now he's just pussying out!

//Speaking of which, luckily, the gang are starting to catch on to Sirei's antics. Obviously, no one is willing to accept this kind of idea coming from Eito of all people, but Tsubasa and Takemaru present physical proof that something fucky is happening.

//Takemaru keeps a journal/diary, and in it, he notes that he went to talk to Eva about something, which he has no memory of doing. He most likely heard something critical from her, and Sirei ended up erasing it from his mind.

//When the trio go to ask UFB about it, Takumi is so eager to get to the bottom of this, he almost lets himself get eaten by the Undying Flames in order to get his attention.

//Side note, the English Dub lines don't match with the English text. Not a big deal, but it's weird that this is the only time in the game so far that this has happened.

//Unfortunately, UFB doesn't have any idea about the process. But even though we don't get definitive answers about the memory tampering, the group agrees to discuss amongst themselves about letting UFB join the team.

DAY 49:

//Leading on from that, the group all gather in the cafeteria, and it's time to do something that we haven't done for a while now. The negotiation minigame.

//On Sirei of all people.

//There is actually some funny dialogue exchanges in this scene. Namely:

Gaku: H-Hey, if you guys shut me down like that, it makes me sound like a dick... Takumi (internally): You are kind of a dick.

Kako: Maybe if we figure out his weakness, we can negotiate.

Ima: What an annoying little mini game. I want no part of it. Gaku: We can just make Takumi do it. He's team leader. Takumi: I was already planning on it...But the least you could do is not say it like that...

//The interesting thing is throughout the day, we actually get multiple different gift ideas for Sirei, though I don't imagine any of them really work.

//The three gifts are a gun, a bottle of wine, and a globe. I gave him the wine bottle, and while it seemed like he was taking the bait, he ended up smashing it.

//As if he couldn't get any more annoying.

DAY 50:

//So, you might not remember, but in the original timeline, when we got to Day 50, Sirei suggested that he had a gift prepared for the rest of the group in the cafeteria. But obviously, because Sirei was dead by that point, we never got to see it.

//Now though, we do. But it turns out it was just a couple of dingy little badges.

//Classic bait-and-switch for these types of games.

//HOWEVER, the cafeteria meeting does yield interesting results.

//Largely the reason why Sirei refuses to let the UFB be part of the team is because in his eyes, he is not a living being, and doesn't deserve to be treated as such. He exists purely to be a weapon, and has no human rights.

//However, Nigou reveals that despite Sirei's words, the opposite is very much true. Because part of his duty has been to protect the UFB, and because they've spent so much time together, Sirei has so much familiarity with the child that he's come to view him as a sort of son, and cares about him more than he lets on.

//The reason he is so obstinate about this is because, as an AI, he doesn't want his own feelings to sabotage the mission.

//Nigou helps Takumi create a photo album made of memory banks shared between him and Sirei, and Takumi gifts it to the Commanding Officer, finally initiating the minigame.

//And...to be honest, I get that this is supposed to be a serious, passionate moment of depth for Sirei or whatever, but honestly, it just came across as really silly to me.

//The good news is that Sirei becomes willing to compromise, and asks Takumi to make a deal.

//To be honest, it's not a very good deal, but Takumi is willing to bend to it if it gives UFB the chance he needs to achieve his desire to have friends and classmates. Effectively, he says that if Takumi and the others agree to stop poking into the matter about their missing or manipulated memories, he'll try to pull some strings to make it happen.

//Takumi does tell Sirei to stop doing the memory manipulation though. Whether or not he will comply with that counteroffer remains to be seen.

DAY 52:

//The UFB arrives at Takumi's room and uses the door like a normal person, which somehow scares Takumi way more than the way he usually appears, which I think is funny.

//Anyway, Takumi takes the boy to the cafeteria to finally meet everyone properly, and they begin to introduce themselves.

//I don't remember if this was brought up before, because I genuinely don't remember, but apparently, when the Undying Flames boy fires off the final attack, his body will be burnt up by his own Undying Flames, and he will die.

//Granted, he DID die in other timelines. Like, I remember him doing so in the Retsnom Route when we used his final attack on V'ehxness. But I thought that was just him overusing his power and his avatar disappearing. The final attack does still kind of happen.

//Which is sad, and unfortunate that it took until Day 50 to finally turn Sirei's thinking about it around. Because now we only have 48 days or so to get to know this dude and become friends with him.

//We get another choice here, for Takumi to make a judgement call. Letting the boy join the team or not.

//Now, this is a weird choice considering the efforts we went through to actually get him to this point where he's meeting the others, and it feels too cold to turn him down. So I ultimately decided to let him on the squad.

//I guess the whole reason why is because if the boy joins the group, chances are our fights will get longer and harder, because we won't be as prepared defensively. Keeping him where he is means we'll be safer and more secure, but like...I couldn't do him like that.

//What's even better news is that now we're at this point, UFB finally gets a name, meaning I don't have to call him ghost boy or UFB anymore. And that name is...

//Honestly speaking, I expected the boys name to be Hie or Hono or something like that, since it's Japanese for fire or flame. But I did a google search, and this does kind of make sense.

//Shion in Japanese is spelled 志音, made from the kanji for "will/purpose" (志) and "sound" (音)

//So effectively, it's eluding to the fact that he is humanity's voice incarnate, since he's the reason we're going to win this war against the Invaders.

//Things seem to be looking up...but even with Shion on the squad now, things don't end to brightly.

//Takemaru doesn't take kindly to the deal Takumi made with Sirei. Obviously, Takumi doesn't like it too much either, but he only went with it because he had Shion's best interests in mind.

//Meaning Takemaru is most likely going to take matters into his own hands.

DAY 53:

//As was sort of to be expected, Takemaru didn't show up for the morning meeting, but neither did Gaku. Meaning the two of them were likely plotting something.

//That aside, Shion is now available during Free Time events. He can't be given gifts, and he's not in the report card, but he does have his own bonding events that can be unlocked through talking to him.

DAY 54:

//This kind of just continues on from the effects of the previous two days. Only that Yugamu starts acting a little bit sus now.

//This isn't part of the plot, but I spent some time with Kako today in the library, and there was a kind of sad event, which is pretty rare. In short, she was talking about ghosts, and said she wanted to see her parents again as ghosts.

//Speaking of Kako and her brother, she and Ima believe that Gaku is acting really on edge, even for him, and they believe that someone is goading him into believing what Eito said about everyone's families not being safe on the Artificial Satellite.

//Strange though, since there doesn't appear to be anyone outwardly having a reason to do so.

//And they really want to emphasize this because they play the same flashback sequence twice in quick succession? Like...yeah, game, I get it!

//Takumi, you've had HALF A WEEK to take the initiative! Just fucking do it! Stop stalling!

DAY 56:

//This day was quite possibly the most tense in the story so far.

//In the morning, Gaku somehow hijacks the school announcement system, and tells everyone he's going to force Sirei to contact the Artificial Satellite, no matter what it takes, and tells everyone to head to the Gym if they want answers.

//Everyone rushes over, but it doesn't go down well. Sirei is nowhere to be seen, and for some reason, without ANY proof, OR indication, Gaku, Takemaru, and Moko blame Takumi for siding with Sirei, and fucking ATTACK HIM and the others.

//This time though, it's not shitty writing that's to blame for the characters acting up for no reason. But we do get a cool sequence here before the fight, where we get a transformation sequence from GAKU'S perspective, IMMEDIATELY followed up by the same sequence from Takumi and his group.

//I wasn't expecting Gaku of all characters to have his own version of the cutscene. Eito and Nozomi did make sense, at least.

//Anyway, we get a fight here. It's not too difficult, especially because Moko, Gaku, and Takemaru ain't got nothing on Takumi's team which is himself, Nozomi, Hiruko, Tsubasa, and Shouma. With just three of them, they're very easily beatable.

//I like the idea of Takumi using his super powered Azure Blitz on them to get them to shut up though.

//ANYway, after being defeated, Takemaru and the others calm down, and the truth comes to light. As it so happens, Yugamu was taking advantage of their already tense feelings, then used drugged snacks to strengthen those feelings until they were sent spiralling into a pit of fear and doubt, which led to them attacking the others.

//All of this was to create the perfect distraction to allow Yugamu to capture Sirei and get answers out of him. And he's able to do so by performing surgery on himself and removing the bomb from inside his chest.

//The reason he did this is because Yugamu himself is concerned about Eito's words, and doesn't think it's wise to outright dismiss them. Especially since Sirei has been especially shady.

//He goes on to explain that he had a "loved one" back on the Artificial Satellite. Someone that he promised he would kill one day when not tied down by his family's work. And if there's any indication that that person may not still be alive, then he wants answers, if nothing else.

//Nigou and the others manage to persuade Yugamu to release Sirei by explaining that, even if Sirei wanted to contact the Artificial Satellite, the classified nature of his mission prevents him from doing so easily.

//Though Takumi eventually convinces Yugamu to let Sirei go, the assassin still demands answers. Sirei finally complies and reveals the truth.

//He explains that his entire existence is dedicated to fulfilling his mission. To do that, he needs not only the intelligence to follow his programming but also the flexibility to adapt to unexpected situations.

//As he puts it, his consciousness is shaped by "the will of humanity."

//To make the best possible decisions for the human race, Sirei has been programmed with simulations of humanity’s collective thought patterns. Every time he faces a choice, he runs these simulations to reach an unbiased outcome. In other words, he arrives at decisions by effectively running a virtual majority vote based on all of humanity’s perspectives.

//Since the mission is critical to humanity's future, it's only logical that it reflects the will of the species as a whole. And because the mission is classified, and he doesn’t have the luxury of asking each person individually, he relies on these internal simulations to determine the consensus.

//This process can take time, which is why he sometimes vanishes for long stretches. Additionally, to keep the mission free from individual bias, Sirei is unable to follow orders from any single person.

//Which is really interesting and also...

A LOAD OF CRAP!

//I'm sorry, I GET that humanity are not ever presented as being a righteous species in this story. But you CANNOT convince me that all of the terrible shit Sirei did is based around what the majority of the human race would do!

//If this is consistent throughout the different timelines, my suspension of disbelief will not account for an entire race of people thinking it's okay to:

Brainwash people, and in one outcome, to the point where one becomes disillusioned with reality.

Not allow ANY sort of contact with the characters and their homes.

Commit war crimes on these level (largely with Eva)

KIDNAP a bunch of LITERAL CHILDREN!

Make said children FIGHT in a WAR!

//And SO much more!

//What makes it even more stupid is quite LITERALLY in the same breath, Sirei and Nigou admit that the mission is confidential, and only a select few people on the Satellite know about it.

//THEN THAT'S JUST NOT FAIR!

//I GUARANTEE you that if humankind knew about what was going on, the results would be VERY different!

//OF COURSE humanity aren't allowing contact with the Artificial Satellite. Humanity don't even know we're FUCKING DOWN HERE!

//It's honestly infuriating that people can look at this and NOT see a very blatant problem with this system. It's not only nonsensical, but it's egrigiously self-destructive!

//Of course, I don't blame Takumi and the others for leaving things at that, because...how the fuck do you even RESPOND to something like that?

DAY 57:

//Alright then. THIS is the point where things start to get kinda nutty, so prepare yourselves.

//The next enemy attack happens today, and the Invaders are once again joined by Eito, but this time, the fight is a little bit different.

//But if there's one thing that's the same, it's that it's yet another Eito fight where the guy just does not stop talking throughout the whole thing. And this time, it's a back-and-forth with Sirei.

//Side note, just in case I forget to bring it up later, this is another part of the game where Sirei really kind of got on my nerves, because he doesn't justify himself AT ALL during this back and forth. Eito plants the ideas of doubt into everyone's heads about what he really found out about the war, and goes into detail explaining when and how he discovered it, even if he doesn't drop the whole truth immediately.

//And Sirei only responds by saying effectively "He's lying, shut up, fight."

//Does he WANT me to be on his side or not?

//Also, Eito does tell all the revelations he discovered during the fight, but it's hard to keep track of them all. He does give on major hint, where he mentions that Earth died a long time ago, and there's more to World Death than we know.

//The more important thing here is that this is a fight against Zen'ta, the commander who can copy people's appearance, and who did so to Moko in the original timeline. This time, however, she seems to do it for Eito, suggesting that the real Eito Aotsuki was killed and replaced with her.

//This is not the case. Eito is still in this fight; he's simply hidden among a mess of clones.

//In order to defeat them all swiftly, we use the same ability that was used previously at the end of the Retsnom Route with Shion putting all his power into a final explosion to take the enemies down.

//Which...is confusing.

//I know that Shion is effectively on the team now, but if I rememeber correctly, didn't using this attack kill him in that timeline? That, coupled with how this fight ends, should really have been the end of the guy.

//Speaking of flames and Ultimate Moves though, I've noticed that almost every time I've fought Eito after the initial final boss of Route 0, I've always unintentionally finished him off using Takumi's Azure Blitz.

//I think I'm gonna try and keep that trend going ;)

//But after Eito and Zen'ta are defeated, the final scene of this day is RIPE with plot twists.

//Firstly, much like he did to Turamtammi and Nyewgank, Eito absorbs Zen'ta before any of us have a chance to, but then V'ehxness shows up to absorb him, just like he planned for. But BEFORE he has a chance to, he tries to drop lore on the war, only for Sirei to suddenly dash down into the field, because he's desperate to cockblock the group from any of the answers.

//But in doing so, he almost gets taken out by Zen'ta, still holding together a form of Eito. But before Sirei can get merced, Nigou jumps in the way of the attack, and dies in his place.

//Which after everything I've had to suffer through with Nigou, the only thing that makes me sad is that Eva was made to watch a character who, in a odd and sketchy kind of way, did try to keep her safe.

//Like I said, after that, Eito absorbs Zen'ta, which heals all his injuries and fatigue, and then V'ehxness appears to absorb him. V'ehxness manages to get MOST of Eito's power, but before she can get all of it, Shion dive-bombs into the battlefield to rescue him.

//As a side twist, it's revealed in this moment that Eva is actually V'ehxness's sister.

//She really IS Mukuro, huh? Secret 16th party member, sister's with the megalomaniacal main villain, is originally an enemy to the party, etc. The list kinda just goes on.

//And as she...seems to have a habit of doing to be honest, V'ehxness decides to leave her final attack for later, so she can once again spend some time recovering from her injuries, and also to give Shion a chance to recover from his.

//This day ends with another choice, with Eito now at our mercy and somewhat crippled by V'ehxness - to either kill him or spare him, much like the first choice that was made after Takumi jumped back in time.

//As you can imagine, there is no way I am killing this fuck, no matter how much he might deserve it. Takumi justifies the reason being he doesn't want to kill another human being, but I personally just want to hear him finish what he was saying.

//And I don't give a damn what Sirei says. He can't be trusted any more than Eito can.

DAY 58:

//Everyone gathers in the courtyard the next morning to hear what Eito has to say, with Eva carrying around the destroyed carcass of Nigou, which makes me a little sad tbh.

//As expected, Sirei does basically EVERYTHING he possibly can to stop Eito from talking, endlessly nattering on about how everything Eito says is a lie, and when Eito finally starts dropping the truths, he even clams up and refuses to affirm what he says, which isn't earning him any brownie points.

//But thankfully, Shion interjects and blackmails Sirei at the right moment, saying he'll have the SDU members break into the defense room and kill him if he doesn't answer their questions, so Sirei is given no choice but to bend, leading to him and Eito finally dropping the big reveal...

//At least...the first one, because there seems to be even more to the story that I don't know yet.

//Mad respect for Shion though. I feel like ever since he's been getting more screen time, he's really become a great character.

//The major plot twist in this game centers around a single, crucial detail that was deliberately kept from the characters for these 158 days. When this truth is finally revealed, it completely reshapes our understanding of the story.

//That key detail...is that we are NOT on Planet Earth.

//Throughout the game, everyone believes the Tokyo Residential Complex is an underground shelter on Earth, built to shield the last remnants of humanity from the apocalyptic event known as World Death. Shion was supposedly sent to Earth to eliminate the Invaders—monsters thought to be Earth's final threat to humanity—while the rest of the Special Defense Unit protected him at the Last Defense Academy until the weapon could be deployed. Meanwhile, the remainder of the human population supposedly escaped the planet and relocated to an Artificial Satellite to avoid the fallout.

//But the reality is far more complex. While World Death DID trigger the war, Earth itself was destroyed long ago, ompletely devoid of life, and likely no longer even exists. The damage was catastrophic, far worse than the devastation seen outside the fire barrier.

//In fact, Sire's EXACT words are that Earth was "on the verge of exploding."

//In truth, humanity had spent generations constructing the Artificial Satellite as a means of leaving Earth entirely. THAT part, at least, remains true, but not in the way that everyone expected.

//The Exodus Project, which everyone believed was an evacuation plan to survive the war, was actually a mission to abandon the real Earth and find a new world for what was left of humanity. As it turns out, the Tokyo Residential Complex where the SDU lived has always been located on the Artificial Satellite. Meaning this is where we ACTUALLY were at the beginning of the game.

//During the Satellite’s construction, humanity also searched for a suitable replacement for Earth, and they eventually discovered one.

//This new planet, known as KXK-787, or as Eito and the Invaders refer to it...Futurum.

//Which is...a little on the nose, but hey, I'm not complaining.

//The planet is strikingly similar to Earth. It's in a life-supporting zone, covered mostly in water, and has all the right conditions for human habitation.

//That’s where we are now. Not Earth. Futurum.

//One of the main reasons so little is known about Earth within the Tokyo Residential Complex is because humanity left it behind centuries, possibly even millennia ago; long before Takumi and his friends were ever born. Sirei explains that the SDU weren’t told the truth because it was considered too abstract and disconnected from their reality, which would only confuse or destabilize them.

//Which I'm gonna have to call bullshit on, even if I do kind of get it? If you ask me, Hemoanima, Shion, the Invaders, World Death, and almost everything else that came before this is far more complicated and otherworldly than even space travel. At least sci-fi is a genre that's been confirmed to exist in this world. And yet those concepts are the one's that Sirei spends the least amount of time explaining, because understanding it any more than we do would be "pointless."

//As I've said before, there was also an underlying desire among some humans to bury the past and avoid facing the guilt of destroying their home world, but more critically, after humanity's departure from Earth, internal divisions began to form.

//Some factions believed humanity should return and face the consequences rather than flee. This ideological clash nearly led to civil war, prompting leaders to restrict access to knowledge about Earth and the Artificial Satellite. As a result, most civilians were left in the dark.

//I really appreciate this twist because we’ve already seen evidence of it! This idea is pretty much what the Conspiracy Route revolves around, with the Anti-Exodus faction and Gotou. It’s satisfying that the primary route reveals this later, giving us new insight and a clearer explanation for earlier events.

//Still, despite all the time, effort, and sacrifice poured into the Exodus Project and the journey to Futurum, humanity made a critical error: Futurum, while eerily similar to Earth, was already inhabited by an intelligent species. One with its own society, history, and belief systems.

//That species is V'ehxness and what we’ve come to know as the School Invaders. In actuality, they're their own species of intelligent lifeforms called "futurans." Not creations of World Death AT ALL.

//Initially, humans tried to communicate and negotiate with the futurans, but remember, the only reason Takumi and the others can even understand them now is because of the Hemoanima, which allows for some level of translation. Without that bridge, misunderstandings led to conflict, which escalated into full-scale war.

//The real challenge for humanity was that, while they held the technological edge, the futurans possessed a unique biological advantage. Occasionally, individuals were born with a rare type of blood that granted them immense power in combat, so overwhelming that even humanity’s most advanced weapons were rendered useless against them.

//You've probably already guessed it, but that special power is Hemoanima, or Cryptoglobin, which the Enemy Commander's have. That's why they're heralded as heroes in their culture.

//The Commanders; V'ehxness, Eva, and the others; are seen as divine champions by the futurans, chosen by the god they worship. Humanity’s advanced weaponry was completely ineffective against them, and for generations, people struggled to overcome these powerful defenders. No matter how much effort was put in, humans simply couldn’t overpower them or claim the planet.

//V’ehxness, while undoubtedly driven by her own dark motives and goals, stands apart from the rest of the Commanders. The others aren’t malicious; they’re simply defending their homeland, fighting for survival against what they perceive as an alien invasion...just as the SDU believed they were doing all along.

//The ruins outside the school aren’t the result of World Death. They were once vibrant cities filled with ordinary futurans. It was the battles fought when futurans were forced to protect themselves from human aggression that reduced them to rubble and forced evacuations.

//In summary, from the very beginning, humans and the members of the SDU are the REAL invaders. Humanity struck first, making the futurans view the SDU as extraterrestrial enemies bent on wiping them out and taking their world.

//And the SDU does NOT handle this revelation well.

//To his credit, Sirei doesn’t try to justify or deny humanity’s actions. He admits it’s a war of conquest, plain and simple, but insists it’s a war born out of necessity.

//The Artificial Satellite was never meant to be a permanent solution. Its systems are deteriorating, and its limited resources are running out. Over the years, the population has dwindled drastically, and humanity is quite literally running out of time.

//Sirei explains that he kept the truth from the SDU because the vast majority of people aboard the Artificial Satellite have no idea a war is even taking place, let alone that the SDU has been deployed on a mission to secure a future for the species. Only high-ranking officials in the government and military know.

//Because of fucking course they do.

//Life on the satellite is already confined and grim, so adding the burden of war would have pushed the population over the edge. The only public clue that anything is wrong is the emergency alert system in the TRC that warns of attacks.

//Then there’s the truth behind Last Defense Academy.

//The school is actually a disguised spacecraft, deployed from the satellite and doubling as a planet-killing weapon. Takumi and the others were placed aboard and sent to Futurum alongside Shion. When they landed, Shion ignited the Undying Flames around the building to shield it as he charged up the energy needed to activate the weapon.

//The reason it looks like a school is because Shion always wanted to attend one, and to live like a normal kid. And since he’s the cornerstone of humanity’s potential victory, they granted him that symbolic wish.

//It also helped that only young people around Shion’s age were physically compatible with Cryptoglobin transfusion, so the school concept made practical sense, too.

//On the topic of Hemoanima/Cryptoglobin, it originally came from Futurum. Only those with this unique blood could harm others who carried it. Desperate to turn the tide, humanity began experimenting with the substance until they were handed an opportunity they couldn’t ignore.

//A child was born on Futurum with unimaginable power. So much so that the futurans believed he was a divine figure, calling him "The Second Coming." In a horrific act of desperation, humanity kidnapped the boy.

//That child…was Shion.

//And this is arguably the darkest twist of all. Shion is a native futuran, abducted and used as a weapon to annihilate his own people and destroy the very planet he was born on. Also, his presence allowed human scientists to make rapid progress in Cryptoglobin research, ultimately enabling Takumi and the others to receive successful transfusions.

//Which brings us to the present: the SDU has landed on Futurum, accompanied by the kidnapped "Second Coming," with the express purpose of wiping out the native population and taking their world for themselves.

//Tragically, this war has raged for almost as long as it took for humanity to even discover Futurum. At this point, diplomacy is impossible. The SDU has already killed multiple revered Commanders, and absorbed their powers, meaning the damage is done.

//There’s no turning back now, for either race.

//This is an interesting thing Sirei says here that I want to draw attention to, since he uses it to kind of justify the case he makes for not only fighting a war of aggression against this innocent alien species, but also for lying to the SDU's members.

//He follows this up by adding that "righteousness belongs to the winner."

//Which is sad...and also kind of true.

//There's an old saying that "History is Written by Victors." It doesn't necessarily mean the same, but it's put in a similar context.

//I have admittedly mixed feelings on this justification, because while I do somewhat agree with it, I feel the need to point out that when you look at the humans and the futurans, the humans are shown to be FAR FAAAAR more destructive!

//Humanity's invasion of Futurum isn’t driven by malice, but by necessity. And yet, this desperation doesn’t absolve them, only deepening the tragedy. So far, humanity has:

Rendered their own home planet uninhabitable, then abandoned it.

Suppressed historical information about Earth and the Artificial Satellite to avoid accountability.

Initiated a war against Futurum; a habitable alien planet already home to an intelligent, INNOCENT species.

Destroyed most of said planet's surface over generations, rendering many innocent futurans homeless or dead.

Abducted a futuran child prophesied as The Second Coming, to use him as a living weapon.

Forced said child to power a world-ending weapon aimed at his own people and home planet.

Used said child's blood to develop a bioweapon program that empowered young people to kill the native population.

Sent them into battle as legitimate child soldiers without fully disclosing the ethical implications or reality of their mission.

Killed and absorbed the powers of revered futuran Commanders who were defending their home, effectively dismantling the spiritual and physical protectors of the planet.

//Meanwhile, the futurans:

Lived on the planet peacefully long before humanity’s arrival.

Were attacked for the legit only reason that the humans, while willing to go through the effort of spending generations building an escape ship, then another few generations fighting a war against them, were not willing to go through the basic effort of learning their language.

Defended their people and planet from invasion.

Revered their defenders as sacred, not militaristic like the humans did the SDU.

Were made to be the aggressors, even though they were the one's defending their home the whole time.

//if you think about it, the only one of the futurans that is in any way evil is V'ehxness. But that's because she has her own will to power that exists independent of the war she's fighting. She herself just wants to kill Shion and take his power.

//Even then, she too is just defending her home planet from humans.

//Also, the idea of their being no good and bad in this war isn't really real, because if you look at things from an outward perspective...The quote should really be "There is no good in war." Period.

//Legitimately, the only people who are innocent in this war are the SDU, and the other Commanders. The face of each side of this conflict are varying degrees of malicious and evil.

//The leader of the futurans, V’ehxness, is revered by her people as a divine protector, but beneath that venerated image lies a deeply corrupted figure. She’s responsible for murdering her own people, has abused her authority, and (as revealed in the current route that I am currently on) has committed heinous acts of child abuse and SO much more. Her crimes extend to attempted familicide, and perhaps most damning of all, betrayal of the very religion that her society is built on. Driven by a god complex, she sees herself not just as a savior, but as a divine being above reproach, violating the faith she once symbolized.

//On the human side, Sirei, the orchestrator of the entire SDU operation and the public face of the human campaign, represents a colder kind of villainy. While he claims to act in the name of survival, he is the architect of a war of conquest against a largely innocent species, and his list of atrocities includes manipulation and brainwashing, child exploitation, unethical scientific experimentation, and psychological torment of a futuran woman, Eva, as well as the rest of his own team, especially Shion. Yes, Sirei sees Shion as a sort of son since he's raised him for most of his life, but Shion is still being used as a living weapon. For Sirei, no act is too extreme if it serves the mission, but his "pragmatism" has long since crossed moral boundaries.

//And the threat doesn't stop with just these two figureheads. Eito, a third-party actor, is arguably even more dangerous. Unlike V’ehxness, who believes she is protecting her people, or Sirei, who believes he’s securing humanity’s future, Eito fights for no one but himself. His desire to exterminate humanity isn’t rooted in justice or defense; it’s driven by a pure lust for power and destruction. He’s already committed multiple atrocities of his own and represents a wildcard force of chaos that stands to push an already tragic war into absolute annihilation.

//I would even extend this implication to the other third parties we've met so far in the other routes; Retsnom and Gotou.

//I'll give Retsnom a bit of credit, since it is effectively just a wild animal at the end of the day, which kind of mirrors Darumi's own apathy for it's own existence, but this doesn't take away from the fact that it either kills or absorbs everyone in three of it's route's four endings.

//And then Gotou...Gotou is just a fucking asshole.

//In the end, while the war began as a desperate struggle for survival or a fight to protect one’s homeland, it's clear that those in power on both sides have become monsters in their own right, and innocent people with GOOD moral compasses don't get caught up in it.

//Anyway, I ranted about this long enough, but the conversation ends with Eito saying that what he said before about our loved ones not being on the Satellite was mostly just a bluff. He himself doesn't know for sure, but mentions that he thought it might be due to Sirei's memory tampering...

//...which unfortunately causes Eva to momentarily regress and murder Sirei again.

//As much as I have grown to dislike Sirei's means that definitely don't justify his ends, having him around, especially now that he's being forefront about everything and explaining his motives in full; seeing him just suddenly die was shocking and upsetting.

Conclusion:

//I wanted to stop it here, because frankly, I originally planned on having this lead on to the next few days up to Day 60. But I've decided to hold off until next time.

//Simply because the stuff that happens in the subsequent next part of the story ties pretty heavily with the next ending I got.

//And if you have any understanding of this game at all, you'll probably know which ending I got next.

//I don't really have anything left to say that I didn't already say to be honest. Just that the twists and turns in this story are getting hella intense, and slight spoiler alert, we're apparently not done yet.

//Before this, the one thing I failed to mention in my main recount is that after Eva kills Sirei, Shouma starts having a moment. He starts to struggle on the verge of remembering more about the group's time at Kamukura Hospital, and that's what's going to lead into I think the second half of this giant twist.

//And my beating heart can only imagine what that might be.

-Mod

[smile-files]

isn't lying to one's parents something most teenagers do? why do i feel like literal satan whenever i do it

[cheesenchalk]

i never know how to phrase it but something about the way beatles biographers and people in general view paul's reflexive placating persona and determination to smooth things over as manipulative or duplicitous and john's reflexive barbed persona and habit of lashing out as brave and subversive despite both being equally defensive mechanisms to shield themselves from the world that resulted in them saying things that weren't true says more about how we culturally view kindness or friendliness as inherently untrustworthy or flimsy and anger and carelessness as more believable as someone's true nature than it says about either of them in actuality

[mageknife]

Cole: His face in the stands, watching as I pass the test. So proud there's tears in his eyes.

Cole: Anything to make him happy, anything.

Cole: Why isn't that true anymore?

/

Dorian: He says we’re alike. Too much pride. Once I would have been overjoyed to hear him say that. Now I’m not certain.

/

Halward: This is not what I wanted.

Dorian: I'm never what you wanted, Father, or had you forgotten?

/

Nightmare: Greetings, Dorian… It is Dorian, isn’t it? For a moment, I mistook you for your father.

[lemememeringue]

my grandfather wants me to live alone for a few years bc it greatly helped his personal development but I'm afraid if I live alone I'll slip deeper into depression since there will be no external motivator for things like "showering" and "going outside" and "eating a vegetable"

[sovonight]

Hi! I played swooning over Stans a couple months ago and I recently found your account here! I really like your drawings and how you’ve mastered various styles. I don’t draw so from social media I assumed that a lot of artists tend to have a style they prefer to stick to. That wasn’t the case from what I’ve seen with your recent works here and some of your stuff on redbubble.

I don’t know if this will make sense but do you sometimes choose specific styles for specific emotions the characters experience? My immediate thought was chibi is so cutesy but the characters are so adorable when they’re grumpy or upset. I love your artwork! I’m so glad to see you have a presence on Tumblr! I read that you’ve moved away from gravity falls so I wanted to thank you for making some fantastic swoon worthy art for the dating sim. Even in your current work, you have a way of making characters soulful and feel three dimensional outside of how they’ve been drawn.

thanks! sometimes i'll have an idea for a piece where i know i have to execute a certain style, but most of the time i just choose style based on what feels easiest* for what i want to draw

[ea-nasir-infinite-copper-glitch]

Like i genuely do think that wip broke something in me. The fact i finally did it, i finished a writing project after so many years of abandoned stories i finally did it...and i felt nothing, only relief for never having to work on it again. I wasnt happy or proud of my work despite being something i wanted to do and was excited for at the start. And ever since then everything felt empty, i graduated and felt nothing , ive started to doubt my dream of becoming a paleontologist because i know it will feel just the same as all these other things, ill start excited, suffer for two years, present my finidings and not feel a drop of pride, just another task filled off the list

Idk man i just want to feel good about something but i cant, im deeply mediocre in all aspects of life and i feel miserable about it

[gentlethorns]

you know what? i'm gonna say it. i miss being seventeen. not for the "glory days," bc they weren't, by a country mile lol. if i had glory days i'd say they were in 2020. but i miss the electricity, the constant undercurrent of euphoria and deep plunging black. i miss the fight i had. i was literally known for being scrappy. i was self-destructive and coping poorly, but goddamn if i didn't burn bright and long. it took me until my twenties to finally start to fizzle out. does the candle with its wax melted down to the base of its glass cage miss when the wick was lit?

[smile-files]

the pros and cons of having roommates are a pretty good microcosm of the pros and cons having close relationships at all. if i were living alone, i wouldn't be worried about my roommates being mad at me for forgetting to clean up or take out the trash, but at the same time, on account of that, i might be less inclined to do those things to begin with. the burden of being close with someone is that the most valuable benefits of it really only last as long as you're willing to put in the effort of upkeep. this life would be much harder to afford (emotionally and financially) if i were doing it alone, and in turn i have to contribute to the affordability of that life for everyone whose contributions are making it affordable to me

[luna-azzurra]

Ways I Show a Character is Emotionally Burned Out (Before They Even Realize It Themselves)

I love writing characters who think they’re fine but are actually walking emotional house fires with bad coping mechanisms.

They stop doing the things they used to love and don’t even notice. Their guitar gathers dust. Their favorite podcast becomes background noise. Their hobbies feel like homework now.

They pick the path of least resistance every time, even when it hurts them. No, they don’t want to go to that thing. No, they don’t want to talk to that person. But whatever’s easier. That’s the motto now.

They’re tired but can’t sleep. Or they sleep but wake up more tired. Classic burnout move: lying in bed with their brain racing like a toddler on espresso.

They give other people emotional advice they refuse to take themselves. “You have to set boundaries!” they say—while ignoring 8 texts from someone they should’ve cut off three emotional breakdowns ago.

They cry at something stupidly small. Like spilling soup. Or a dog in a commercial. Or losing their pen. The soup is never just soup.

They say “I’m just tired” like it’s a personality trait now. And not like… emotionally drained to the bone but afraid to admit it out loud.

They ghost people they love, not out of malice, but because even replying feels like too much. Social battery? Absolutely obliterated. Texting back feels like filing taxes.

They stop reacting to big things. Catastrophes get a blank stare. Disasters feel like “just another Tuesday.” The well of feeling is running dry.

They avoid being alone with their own thoughts. Constant noise. TV always on. Music blasting. Because silence = reckoning, and reckoning is terrifying.

They start hoping something will force them to stop. An accident. A missed deadline. Someone else finally telling them, “You need a break.” Because asking for help? Unthinkable.

[sinner-as-saint]

stick to me, like caramel

Retired!Bucky Barnes x Reader 

Summary: Sergeant Barnes has retired, and moved as far away as possible from the superhero life. He’s still in touch with some of his friends, but he never asks them to visit. Nor does he ever leave the quaint, warm small town he’s found himself in, or the spacious home he has, nestled between mountains and dense pine woods. Bucky lives a quiet life, away from danger, guns and bullets, aliens and wizards, and all the other noises. He likes it here. It’s calm, nice, and quiet. Nothing stresses him out, nothing bothers him. Nothing, except a certain neighbour of his. She torments him, in the best ways. And Bucky’s not sure how long he can resist her. 

Themes: age gap (I mean he’s a century old), smut, mild primal play, FLUFF, mild degrading kink, angst, soft!bucky, mild praise kink, HEA 

Keep walking. Keep walking. Keep walking. 

He chanted in his head as he walked down the almost empty road, the sun was gonna set soon and most people were all inside their cosy homes, the elder ones at least. The young people hung out mostly in parking lots, or they drove up the mountains. So, not many people about. Which was one of the many reasons he decided to spend his retirement here. The roads were always empty at this time, and Bucky liked silent, long walks during sunset hours. 

It calmed him down. That was it. No other reason. Of course he didn’t go on walks at this specific time just so he would run into you. Of course he didn’t choose this specific road for his daily walks only because this was where your little bookstore was situated. And of course he didn’t pick this exact time to go on his walks only because he knows this is also the time when you close up your store and walk home – completely unbeknownst to the fact that Bucky frequently followed you from a distance, making sure you got home safe. 

Okay, it sounded a little stalker-ish. But he didn’t mean any harm. Plus he lived right next to you. Granted there was a little uphill walk from your house to his, but still. He was bound to take the same path anyway. 

He didn’t even know when exactly this little infatuation stemmed out of nowhere. Perhaps it happened on the very first day, when he woke up in the morning and stepped out on his balcony to take in the breathtaking view of the foggy woods, the rich veridian pine trees, the dark mountains, the rain clouds, when he suddenly spotted a bright red spot moving along the edge of the woods not far from his home. Bucky squinted and a few moments later realised he was staring at a young woman, wearing a red coat, who was frolicking about, picking flowers. 

Bucky couldn’t help but smile at the mundane task. It was peaceful to watch, so he kept watching until he noticed the woman was making her way back. He watched as she got closer and closer, until she stopped, looked up right at him, and waved. 

Bucky waved back awkwardly, only then realising that the woman he’d been spying on was his next door neighbour. That was the first time Bucky saw you. And ever since, you’d been basically living in his head. 

His little crush on you only got worse when, by the end of his first week since moving there, you showed up at his door and brought him a basket filled with all sorts of baked goods, muffins and cookies, which smelled divine. Bucky accepted the basket a little clumsily because he was nervous, and made small talk but really, he was freaking out because you were even more beautiful up close. 

“I’m your neighbour!” You announced, smiling up at him. Again, wearing that lovely red coat. Your hood was down this time though. 

Bucky nodded, smiling sheepishly, “Yeah, I saw you the other day.” 

You turned and pointed at one area not far from Bucky’s property, “The edible flowers I love grow around there, and I usually pick them in the morning.” 

Edible flowers. He didn’t care what you were doing there. Picking flowers or worshipping at the altar of some ancient deity. All he cared about was that you were here talking to him. “I see.” 

“I use them in my baking, my customers love them!” 

Well he was thankful that his lack of social and communication skills hadn’t scared you off just yet. But also, customers? “Customers?” He questioned. 

“I own the only bookstore in this little town.” You said proudly. “Not many readers though, I’m afraid.” You chuckled, “So I bribe them with muffins, cookies, and tea.” You explained, “Stop by sometime, I’d love to show you around!” 

Bookstore. Muffins. Cookies. Tea. Pretty girl. Retirement wasn’t so bad afterall. “I’ll… I’ll make sure to visit soon.” 

He never did. 

But he did watch you from a distance ever since that day. It was weird at first, but then it became part of his normal. Knowing what time you were up and about upon noticing the smoke that came out of the chimney of your home – which was a beautiful, old, rustic, wood and stone house. He’d heard from one of the kind old men at the pub that the house belonged to your grandma before she passed. She left it to you in the will. 

Other older folks at the pub told him more about you. How you had no family members around. Some estranged siblings but they were out of the picture, and who knows where in the world. Your parents were not in the picture either. Some even said that your late grandmother had left you all her money, which was why your entire family envied you and shunned you out basically.

His heart broke a little when he heard that. Sweet girl like you deserved nothing less than a loving family. But you had friends. He often saw you out and about, at stores, at the diner or restaurants for brunch, at coffee shops, at the florist, always surrounded by a group of giggling women. 

Other details he found out on his own the more he spied on you. Like how you had your own little walled garden in your seemingly endless backyard, growing your own vegetables and herbs. 

He knew what time you left to go open up your store each morning because he would always hear you yell in a cheery voice, ‘Bye, House!’ whenever you stepped out of your metal gates. 

He knew that you often left out food for wild bunnies to come eat in your backyard. He knew exactly on which days of the week you went into the woods to get those edible flowers. He knew what time you got home, he knew all your favourite songs because you would play them often in your kitchen and his super soldier hearing would pick it up easily. 

He knew so much about you, yet so little. He wanted to know more, but he was always so nervous to step into your bookstore and talk to you. Or, on the rare occasions when he found himself at the grocery store at the same time as you, he’d get out of there so fast it was almost funny. 

He was well above a hundred years old, stronger than the average male on this planet, and yet his cute neighbour made him weaker than anything ever had. There was a time, lifetimes ago, when flirting with a pretty girl came naturally to him. But now… he was a different man. So he decided he’d only watch you from a distance. And yearn. And pine. And long for your attention. 

He thought he’d spend the rest of his days being tormented by the sound, the sight, and the mere thoughts of you. Always watching from far away, never being brave enough to reach out. 

But things changed that one day you reached out. 

Bucky was in his backyard, building himself a new shelf. He needed one for his kitchen. All those years, he’d survived in empty, temporary houses and apartments. But now, this was much more permanent and he wanted it to feel like home. So he needed things. Lots of things. Like furniture. But he hated shopping for them. So since he was surrounded by a seemingly endless forest, containing lots of wood he could use, he decided to make himself useful and build his own stuff. 

So far he’d built himself a couple of chairs, a coffee table, two bedside tables, and now he found himself in need of a nice shelf for his kitchen. So there he was, being a lumberjack for the day, when he heard his doorbell ringing. 

Bucky knew immediately who it must be. 

You. 

He dropped his axe, and tried to get all the sawdust off him while he marched towards his front door. His heart only skipping a beat or two as he opened his door and found you standing on the other side of it, looking as cheerful as ever. 

“Hello, neighbour.” You greeted him. Not wearing your pretty red coat this time he noticed. 

“Hey,” He said, sounding more stoic than he intended. 

You quickly explained why you were at his doorstep so late in the evening. Behind you, the sun was setting and it was getting rather dark. “The heater in my living room isn’t working well. I was wondering if you could come check it out for me.” 

Bucky wasted no time in saying, “Sure.” 

Then he followed you to your house. 

He had always admired your house’s exterior. The slate grey stone, the wooden accents, the large windows and their bright flowers in the window boxes. The low hedge that wrapped around your property, the wrought iron double gates, it was all so… out of a fairytale looking. Compared to his well hidden log home that blended so well with the environment that often you wouldn’t notice it. 

But as much as he liked the exterior, the interior of your home blew his mind. It was so… home-y. He could smell some sort of freshly baked goods. And it was heavenly. Everything inside your home was vintage looking. Every furniture, every trinket, every painting and sculpture that looked like they cost a fortune. 

Then he realised, this was your grandmother’s home. Of course everything in it was old. So he tried to find bits and pieces of you everywhere he looked. And he did. New books on the bookshelf near the entrance that looked like it was older than he was. New vinyls hanging on the wall amongst the old ones. Fresh flowers in old vases in your foyer. And there might be so much more but he couldn’t exactly be a creep and stare for too long. So he followed you as you led him to your living room. 

He would have admired your living room a little longer, but then even he could feel how much colder this room was compared to the rest of the house. So he got to work immediately, kneeling by the heater. He knew how to fix it, it was easy enough with his metal hand. But he also didn’t wanna be too quick. 

“So,” He cleared his throat while pretending to be busy with the old-fashioned heater, “Old man down the street told me you had no family in this town.” 

Yeah, real smooth Bucky. He cursed himself. 

“Yup!” You answered, like he asked you about the weather instead. 

Bucky looked up and found you sitting on your couch, legs crossed, like a spoiled little thing while he knelt on your floor fixing your heater for you. He wanted to know more, so he asked, “And is that by choice or…?” 

You sighed, then told Bucky the truth. “I am the youngest. My siblings and I never got along when we were kids. I spent years thinking surely something will change when we get older, but no.” It was a little sad talking about it, but nothing you couldn’t handle. “Then mom and dad separated and they each went their own way. Last I heard my father was onto his third wife, and my mother was backpacking around the world with some of her friends. All my siblings left home one by one. Then when I left for uni I made the decision to never go back to that empty house.” 

Bucky stopped pretending to work on the heater. He’d fixed it, so now he sat next to it, back against the wall as he watched you. He wanted to gather you in his arms and never let you go. 

“I would’ve figured something out.” You said, with a determined smile. “I always wanted to move to a small town, maybe even a coastal one. But then as I was finishing up my final year, I got a phone call one day. It was my grandma, and she was sick and needed assistance.” Another soft smile, this one sadder. “It felt like a sign. And it was the right thing to do. So I moved here. And lost contact with my family, there was complete radio silence even after grandma passed.” 

Bucky looked away for a moment, the thought of you going through all that alone was heartbreaking. But you were so brave. 

You continued, “So yeah, I’ve been on my own ever since. And I love this place, these people.” You looked right at him and added, “And handy neighbours who fix my heater.” 

Bucky smiled. “All fixed.” He grunted as he got up from the floor. 

“Thank you!” 

You walked Bucky to the front door, then just as he was about to step outside you called out, “Oh Bucky, wait! I almost forgot.” 

Bucky watched how you ran back inside, towards your kitchen and then ran back towards him with a little basket. 

“Here,” You handed him the basket filled with sweet smelling stuff. “I baked them this morning.” 

Bucky peeked and found a bunch of chocolate chip cookies. He looked back at you and found you smiling at him. He smiled back then rolled his eyes as he stepped out of your home, groaning, “Gonna make me fat with all your sweet stuff.” 

You giggled, leaning against your doorframe as Bucky stepped down the steps of your porch. “You can always work out more. You know, chop more wood in the mornings, or run by the lake more.” 

Bucky stopped on the last step and turned to face you. His heart beating a little faster as the realization sunk in. “You stalk me.” He sounded like he was teasing you. 

You smirked, “Don’t you? You think I don't know you follow me home almost everyday?” 

“Alright, fine.” Bucky rolled his eyes again. “But you stalk me too.” 

“You’re loud when you chop wood in the morning. It wakes me up early.” You argued, eyeing him up and down, shamelessly. Gods, he was a handsome man. Even more so with that tight long sleeved shirt and dark jeans. 

“I see.” He mumbled. “You like the early morning view?” He caught himself asking before he could think about it twice. What? He knew he looked good. He wanted to know if you appreciated the view. 

You gave him another sly smirk as you answered, “Very much.” 

He smiled at you. Then nodded and said, “Good night, neighbour. Thanks for the goodies.” 

“Good night, Bucky.” 

— 

The next morning, you woke up to the sound of light rain hitting your bedroom window, and the muffled repeated sound of an axe hitting wood. You smiled before you even opened your eyes. Waking up to the sound of rain was always delightful. But the sound of someone chopping wood had recently become your new favourite. 

Bucky. 

You pulled back the covers and quickly walked over to your bedroom window. You peeled back the curtains and found Bucky in his backyard. 

Shirtless. 

You froze. 

The sight of him there, wearing nothing but his usual jeans and boots, axe in his hands, the metal arm glistening almost as much as his damp, muscular chest. Fuck. He looked divine. His longish hair was damp as well, a few strands falling over his face, and the muscles in his arm and back flexing each time he brought the axe down. 

You were mesmerised by the sight of him there, with the dark woods as background. The light rain falling over him. And the blue of his eyes staring right at you– 

You gasped and quickly shut the curtains again when you realised he’d looked up and caught you staring at him. Your face felt hot as you hid behind the heavy curtains. Your heart raced a little faster and you felt like a little kid who got caught doing something you shouldn’t. Shit. 

Oh well. Whatever. He knew you watched him. 

So you peeled the curtains back again and found him smirking at you. He lifted his right hand, waving at you like any good neighbour would. You smiled and waved back, then forced yourself to look away from his gorgeous face and body, and get away from the window to get ready for your day ahead. 

That image of him chopping wood in the rain didn’t leave your head the entire morning. 

—

Bucky didn’t know what exactly made him do it. Maybe it was the interaction you two had had that morning. The heat in your eyes as you watched him, the way your lips parted just so slightly, and he was certain he could see how you were breathing heavily just looking at him. 

He’d been smiling to himself all morning when he thought about that brief interaction. The way you hid when he caught you was… cute. But you went away so quickly. He wanted to see you again, he wanted more. 

So perhaps that’s why he finally found himself walking into your cosy little bookstore. It was exactly what he was expecting it to be. Dark interior with dimmed lights. Spacious middle area with little reading nooks scattered all over the place. Dark, velvet couches and bright pillows. A tea and a coffee station right next to each other by the large window, and baskets filled with baked goods. Muffins and cookies. He could smell whatever fancy candles you must have burning somewhere.  

“Bucky!”

He turned around and found you smiling at him, a tiny book in your hand. He smiled back, and decided you were the prettiest thing he’d ever seen in his long life. Dressed in a simple black dress and dark red cardigan, you looked… even more delicious than all the things you baked. He was thankful there was no one in the store to witness how he checked you out shamelessly. 

“Hey,” He said, then looked around and commented, “Nice place.” 

“Thanks,” You walked up to him. 

Stopping right in front of him, close enough that he could smell your perfume and it was driving him insane. It was something citrus and feminine, reminding him of blood oranges, pomegranates, and delicate flowers. And it made him want to pull you closer. But he shoved his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket instead. 

“It was my grandma’s.” You explained, and he listened with interest. “She left me quite… a lot in the will so I don't really have to worry about my livelihood. Which I’m very grateful for. And even though it’s not great business, I decided to keep running the store just to keep her memory alive.” 

Bucky smiled again at how kind you truly were. “That’s nice of you.” 

You gave him another pretty smile. “I have some loyal customers, they come to buy books every few weeks. But most of all, people like to come here just to read. Or hang out. So I always have warm drinks and sweet treats ready.” Then you turned to him and asked politely, “What brings you here? I didn’t quite picture you as a guy who reads.” You teased. 

His voice was laced with sarcasm as he said, “And I didn't picture you as a woman who spies on her shirtless neighbours, but here you are.” 

He could tell that caught you off guard. Maybe you’d thought he would never bring it up. But, Bucky decided, it was fun to tease you. 

“I don’t know what you mean.” You replied, giving him that look he loved. The innocent one, with mischief hidden somewhere. 

“Oh yeah?” He stepped closer to you, just a little bit. “Did you forget I saw you this morning? Making eyes at me?” 

You scoffed, “Well, if you’re gonna put on a show…” 

“And how’d you like it? The show?” He asked, stepping closer again. And you took a step back this time, and you two danced this dance until he almost had you cornered between two shelves. 

You gasped dramatically, “Bucky barnes. Are you flirting with me?” Your back hit the shelf behind you. “Aren’t you, like, a hundred years old?” 

Bucky laughed as pinned you to the bookshelf. His metal hand coming up to grab onto the wood, caging you between him and the shelf as he slowly slid his leg in between yours. “Yeah, I am. What about it? It didn’t stop you from spying on me.” He noted the way you spread your legs to make room for his. “I know you want me.” He said, pressing his leg up in between yours. 

You gasped again. Then chuckled and said, “Don’t be inappropriate right in front of grandma’s portrait, you weirdo.” Then you gently hit him on the head with the tiny book you’d been holding. 

Bucky frowned then looked around, searching for the portrait. And it was right behind him. A large portrait of an old woman in a gilded frame, staring down at the two of you sternly. 

Sorry, grandma. 

He grabbed you and easily pulled you away, pinning you to the next closest bookshelf he found. His leg sliding in between yours again. “Now that grandma’s not watching,” He said, making you laugh. Fuck. He’d do anything to keep you laughing and happy like that. “Wanna tell me where I can be inappropriate then? Want me to take you out?” He asked, then couldn’t resist leaning in to kiss your neck, discreetly inhaling your perfume like it was the only thing he’d ever wanted to do. Suddenly he wanted your scent everywhere. On his clothes. In his truck. On his bedsheets and pillows. “Is that what you’d like?” He asked, pulling away to look into your eyes. “A date? Where I spend the entire evening waiting and figuring out if you’d let me kiss you or not?” 

“You won’t have to wait the entire evening.” You smirked at him. “I’d let you kiss me anytime.” 

Fuck. His heart skipped a beat. 

“Can I kiss you now?” 

“Yes.” You leaned in, sliding your hands around his neck to pull him closer. Bucky’s brain stopped working for a second or two as you kissed him. 

He melted into your kiss. His hands grabbed you at the waist to pull you closer as he deepened the kiss. Your hands slid into his hair and he held you tightly against him, pressed up against his firm body as his mouth moved perfectly against yours. His tongue slipped into your mouth, making you moan into the kiss as he slowly slipped his metal hand up your dress. 

You gasped at his cold touch. His lips left yours momentarily to kiss along your jaw, and down your neck, nibbling on your skin and inhaling your addicting scent, making you sigh in pleasure as his hand found its way past your underwear. 

“Can I touch you?” He mumbled into your ear, “Please say yes, baby. You’re killing me.” 

You couldn’t help but giggle, then whispered, “Yeah, you can touch me.” 

Bucky groaned as he moved your underwear aside and ran his knuckles along your wet slit, smearing your wetness around. He chuckled when he felt that you were just as wet and ready for him as he hoped you’d be. 

“See? You do want me.” 

You whined at the sound of his cocky voice. You couldn’t help but look down to see his hand moving gently against your body as he teased you, his metal hand sliding in and out from in between your legs, disappearing under your dress each time his fingers dove in to tease your clit. Fuck, just the sight of his hand sent pleasant shivers down your back. You also noticed the growing bulge in his pants. You bit your lip at the sight of it, then looked up at him. He was already staring at you. So you silently pleaded, begging for more. 

Bucky wanted more too. He pushed his two metal fingers inside you with ease and felt your warm walls immediately welcoming him in. He held your stare as he curled his fingers inside of you, hitting all the right spots which made you weak in the knees. You bucked your hips against his hand, still staring into his eyes, and he chuckled. “Does that feel good, baby?” 

You nodded, biting down on your lip to keep yourself from moaning. Because the store was empty, but anyone could walk in. They wouldn’t see you, but you didn’t want them to hear you either. 

“Yeah? You want more?” Bucky asked, his fingers moving in and out of you perfectly. “Want me to taste you? Can I do that?” He mumbled and kissed down your neck, biting and licking your skin around your collar bones. 

Meanwhile you lazily reached for him, palming him through his jeans and feeling his erection. You smirked to yourself as he grunted the moment you touched him. “All that for me?” You teased him. 

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh into the crook of your neck. “Now who’s being inappropriate?” 

You giggled, “You started this when–,” 

The sound of the tiny bell above the entrance of your store ringing cut you off. You both froze then immediately pulled away from each other. You fixed your clothes quickly and gave Bucky a smirk before you went back to the front and greeted your customer. 

Bucky couldn’t let himself be seen yet. Not until the raging hard on he had would calm down first. So he walked around, hiding behind bookshelves as he perused them. And once he was safe, he walked to the front and found you scanning some books before putting them in a bag for the customer – she was an old lady who lived near the lake. Bucky often saw her when he went for his frequent runs. 

Bucky grabbed a random book and sat down at one of the many reading nooks. It hid him enough that he could stare at you leisurely, without being caught by Old Lake Lady. He could tell you felt his eyes on you, because you’d send quick glances his way even as you engaged in a conversation with the old lady about her cats and dogs. 

Just minutes ago you were moaning in his ear with his fingers inside you, and here you were now, being nice and warm to a customer. 

Bucky had to hide his smirk, at least until the lady was gone. Soon she’d wrapped up her stories, paid for her books, and left, leaving you two alone again. Bucky got up from the couch and approached you. 

“Come over tonight,” He said. “I’ll make you dinner.” 

He watched how you seemed surprised. Then rolled his eyes when you asked, “You can cook?” 

He answered, proudly, “I’m over a hundred years old, you learn a thing or two when you’ve been alive that long.” A pause, then he added, “Plus recipe books help too.” 

You laughed. “Okay, see you tonight then.” 

“See you.” 

Bucky left you with a wink. 

— 

When you got home that evening, you took over an hour to get ready for dinner. You caught yourself smiling a lot just thinking of Bucky and how he touched you earlier… 

You sighed, impatient to see him again. But you didn’t want to seem too eager and show up at his house too early so you found something to keep you busy until it was a reasonable time to knock on his door. Plus, you wanted to bring him something nice so you ended up gathering flowers from your yard and made him a little bouquet. 

It ended up being a pastel coloured bunch of flowers, pinks and lilacs with some white here and there. You decided it was cute enough for a first date. Was it even a date? Or was it just a casual dinner? 

Before you could overthink yourself to death and find a way to get out of this, you grabbed a light cardigan and walked over to Bucky’s house. 

Bucky answered after your very first knock. Almost too quickly. 

You couldn’t help but tease him about it. “You were waiting by the door, weren’t you?” 

“No.” He argued, “I’m just really quick to get the door. Don’t like to keep my guests waiting.” 

“Sure,” You smirked as you walked into his home. Bucky shut the door behind you and turned to face you. “Here,” You handed him the bunch of flowers, “I picked them myself.” 

You expected him to make some sassy comment, but he didn’t. “I’ve never been given flowers before.” He said, looking down at them. And you felt really proud. “Are they edible too?” 

You laughed as you followed him further in. “No, they’re not. But they will bring some life and colour to your home.” 

Bucky chuckled as he grabbed a vase and filled it with water to put the flowers in. “Are you saying my house looks lifeless and dark?” 

“No,” You took a seat at the kitchen island table, and watched him as he placed the flower stems one by one into the vase. “I’m just saying it needs some colour. But I love the sombre and broody vibe you went for. It’s very… retired superhero-esque.” 

And it was indeed. Dark floors, dark furniture. It was spacious and luxurious, with minimal furniture. You didn’t know if the minimalism was intentional or not. But either way, it suited Bucky. The large windows made up for the empty spaces. It allowed a lot of the outside in. Especially the rich, dark woods. 

He gave you a playful glare before he grabbed two wine glasses and asked you, “You like red or white?” 

“Red, please.” 

He handed you a glass of red, clinked your glasses together then went back to the stove. “You’re welcome to snoop if you want.” He said, then heard you get off the stool at the island table and heard your footsteps walking around. 

Bucky’s house was much closer to the woods than yours, and sometimes it felt like his house – much like him – preferred to blend in with the surroundings rather than stand out. 

The kitchen was your favourite part so far. It was like a glass prism. No walls, but the woods hid it well from the other neighbours. And right now, as the sun set and the sky turned pinkish orange, it flooded the entire kitchen with those same colours. 

Bucky let you snoop, and turned to the stove where he was concocting something that smelt divine. He glanced at you now and then, and noted the way you took in his home. The ground floor had an open concept look. So you could see the living room, the foyer, the large staircase – which led to the upper level where all the bedrooms and bathrooms were, the small conservatory, all could be seen from the kitchen. 

He was rather proud of his home. But you weren’t saying anything yet. Did you not like it? Bucky wondered silently as he flipped the veggies he’d been grilling. “You like it?” He couldn’t help but ask. 

“I do!” 

Bucky looked up and found you in the middle of his dimly lit living room. You did a slow, mindless twirl as you took in all the random art he had mounted on his walls. Bucky was mesmerised. You, there, in that pretty dress – it messed with his head in the best way. 

“What made you move here?” 

Your question caught him off guard. He knew why he moved here, but he didn’t know if he could put it into words in a coherent way. But he did his best. Dinner was done, so he spoke as he plated everything. 

“I had been thinking about retiring for years now.” He sighed. “I didn't wanna lose myself. Again. Or have to watch my friends die. Again.” He let out a sad chuckle. “You'd think I would be immune to losing people by now. But it hurts the same every time. Plus going on a mission and not knowing if everyone would make it back… It messes with your head.” He said. “So I decided to leave. I was worried it would make me seem like a coward. But then I realised, I shouldn’t care.” 

He heard you coming back into the kitchen. 

“Plus, it's hard to blend in when you’re me, you know?” He could see you in his periphery, getting closer to where he was. “After years of being who I was, and doing what I did, there’s not many places where I could go that would feel normal.” 

Without saying a word, Bucky watched how you placed your glass down and came over to help him plate everything onto two dinner plates. He gave you a faint smile then continued, while the two of you moved around his kitchen gracefully. As if this was a daily thing. 

“Then one day I decided to leave that life. But I still didn’t have a place to call home so I drove around, traveled and tried to find somewhere that was calm, and welcoming. Somewhere I could just be me, and not… what I was.” He paused, remembering the day he first came to this town. “I happened to be driving through here one day, and the weather got really bad. The rain was horrendous and the people I met at the pub told me it was dangerous to continue driving in a weather like that.” He chuckled at the memory, “And I told them, I’ve been out on missions in worse weather. Rain or sleet was nothing, I’ve been out during hurricanes and snowstorms.” 

Your heart hurt for a moment, thinking about Bucky having to brave all sorts of storms. 

Bucky continued, “Then, one of the old guys at the pub grabbed me by the shoulders and said ‘Well, you don’t have to be out in storms anymore’ and he offered me a place to stay for the night. And when I woke up the next day, I realised that no one cared about who I was or what I had done in the past. They were just kind and welcoming to me like I was a regular guy.” He looked up at you, smiled and said, “So I bought the land and the house here and stayed.” 

You smiled back at him. “And that’s why you’re friends with all the old guys at the pub.” 

“Yeah,” He added, smiling, “Although I am older than all of them.” 

You laughed, and watched him as he placed the plates down. Once his hands were free, you grabbed one of them and squeezed it tight in your grip until he looked at you. His hand was warm in yours. And you decided that you liked holding his hand. You wanted to do it more often.

“You did the right thing by choosing your peace, Bucky.” You said, looking into his pretty eyes. “It's not selfish nor cowardly to want to keep yourself safe. To put yourself first. You helped save this world so many times. You deserve this break. I hope you know that.” 

Bucky smiled and brought your intertwined hands up to his lips. Kissing your knuckles, he whispered, “Thank you.” 

He looked so sincere and adorable, you almost pulled him in for a kiss right there and then. But instead you calmed yourself down and admired the beautiful man in front of you. His longish hair was nice and dry this time, and looked like he’d run his fingers through it many times. And he was wearing a white button up shirt too, something you just now noticed, with the sleeves rolled up till his elbows. The metal arm glistened in the golden light of the sunset. 

Gods, he was beautiful. Who could ever be mean to this man? 

To bring you both back to that playful mood you said, “Well, neighbour. I was promised dinner. And I’m kinda hungry.” 

Bucky laughed and gently let go of your hand. He asked you if you wanted to dine in the conservatory, but you said the island table in the kitchen was fine. Plus, the view of the sky, the woods, and the mountains all at once was to die for. 

“I think I’m in love with your house.” You said at some point during dinner, holding back moans because Bucky’s cooking was amazing. 

He gave you a playful look as he sipped on his wine and replied, “Come visit anytime.” 

“Maybe I will.” 

“Maybe you should.” 

You teased, “You just want me to bring you muffins and cookies, don’t you?” 

Bucky laughed and said, “I’m having to work out twice as much ever since you started feeding me those sugary stuff. Gotta stay fit if I want you to keep looking at me like that.” 

Your face felt hot when he said that. Okay, so maybe you were not being subtle when looking at him. Oh, god forbid a girl checks out her hot neighbour. You quickly changed the topic after that, not wanting him to know just how much his words and deep voice was affecting you. 

You two talked about life in the small town, about the places you’d travelled to before moving here, Bucky made you laugh with his ridiculous stories about how people tend to come knocking on his door whenever they need help with moving stuff. Or how people in the neighbourhood just assumed he liked chopping wood so much they just pulled up in their own trucks to pick up some or they called him and asked him to deliver logs to their houses. 

“Thankfully I have the truck,” He said, chuckling, “Otherwise I think I’d be seen carrying logs around on my shoulders for delivery.” 

You giggled at the thought of him doing that. Then you realised, “I didn’t know you had a truck. I guess I’ve only ever seen you out on walks.” 

He nodded, refilling your wine glass. “Yeah I don’t use it a lot though, I just drive up the mountains sometimes when I want to be alone. Plus the view from up there is insane.” Then he paused, thinking, and said, “I’ll take you up there, on a drive someday. If you want.” 

“I’d love that.” You said, smiling from behind your wine glass. 

–

After dinner you offered to help clean up, but Bucky politely refused. “Carry on snooping,” He said, “I’ll just load the dishwasher and come join you.” He refilled your wine glass one more time and sent you off. 

You didn’t put up a fight, you wanted to see more of his home. So a short walk later, you found yourself in the large, circular conservatory. There were some couches about, a small dining table for four, and some plants and rugs. It was so cosy, it reminded you of your store. Minus the colours, because everything in here was dark green, or grey, or dark brown. But you didn’t mind it. 

You admired Bucky’s backyard, which blended into the woods. You saw the chopping block where he chopped wood almost every morning. And you could see your house from here, part of it at least. Especially your bedroom window. 

“That’s a pretty dress. I’m sorry I didn't say it earlier.” Bucky said as he walked into the conservatory as well, his own wine glass in hand. 

And you were certain it wasn't just the wine that made your blood rush. You gave him a little twirl which made him chuckle. “Thanks,” You said, facing him once again. “I wore it just for you.” It was true. You had chosen the dark blue dress only because the moment you saw it in your closet, it reminded you of Bucky’s eyes. 

“Yeah?” He held your stare as he made his way over to you, placing his glass down on the small dining table on the way. He stopped right in front of you, letting his eyes roam all over you before he said, “Will you take it off for me as well?” 

The wine gave you manic confidence, so you grabbed him by the waist and pulled him into you. “Is that what you want?” 

Bucky’s eyes were intense as he stared at you. You finished your wine and set your glass down. 

“I do.” Bucky said. 

You spoke in a cocky tone, “Then why do I have to do all the work?” 

He chuckled, “Come here then.” He pinned you to the nearest surface, the cold glass door of the conservatory which led to the backyard. He knew it was locked so he didn’t have to worry. “Let’s finish what we started earlier, yeah?” 

He leaned closer, chest pressing against yours leaving no space in between. He waited for a moment, silently asking if this was okay. And upon seeing you wanted this as much as he did, Bucky leaned in for a kiss. A proper one, a hungry one. 

His rough facial hair scratched your skin, his teeth nibbled and bit your lips. His hands roaming all over your body before he slid the straps of your dress down your arms, letting your dress bunch around your waist. Your dress didn’t require a bra so you were half naked in front of him in no time. 

He kissed you ravenously, pulling you closer. Pouring everything he felt into the kiss. Desire, warmth, longing, lust. He couldn’t get enough. 

“Bucky…” You gasped against his lips, you couldn’t wait any longer, “I want you.” Breathing fast, you tried to pull him closer, but this time he wouldn’t budge. 

“Turn around,” He mumbled softly, pulling away a little to give you room to turn. He’d thought he would take his time and maybe get up to his bedroom and make sweet love to you. But fuck, the sight of you in that pretty dress was driving him insane. Again. He couldn’t wait. 

You turned, facing the glass door and waited. The sky above was yet to turn black completely. It was that pretty dark blue colour. And the stars were starting to show. And everything was perfect. You brought your hands up to your chest, not wanting to press your bare body to the cold glass. 

But Bucky didn’t like that. He pressed against your back. Your bare skin against the cool fabric of his shirt. He grabbed your wrists in his metal hand and pinned them above your head, stretching your torso in a way that had you whining already, and he had barely touched you yet. He whispered into your ear, “Keep them there for me.” So gently, his deep voice made you tremble. 

You nodded, then he shoved his warm hand in between your legs and touched you where you desperately wanted him to. Where you needed him since earlier today. You whined and trembled, your bare chest pressing against the cool glass when he slid a finger in, fucking you with it while he whispered into your ear, “You’re so wet for me. Have you been like that all throughout dinner? Hmm?” He cooed. “While you sat across from me, looking all sweet and nice, were you just dripping for me all along?” 

Fuck. Who knew he had such a foul mouth? 

“Bucky,” You whimpered, “Please.” 

He chuckled, his finger moving in and out of you in a way that made you move your hips, demanding more but he wouldn’t give it to you yet. “Aww, baby. Poor you.” His deep voice made his chest rumble against your back. “I should punish you for not telling me about this little situation earlier.” 

Your dress was hanging on to your body around your waist, Being half naked while he was still fully dressed made this even dirtier. You were moaning by now, thanking all the gods that Bucky didn’t have any other neighbours. 

“Tell me.” He demanded, sliding another finger inside you and making your body squirm and grind against him. “How long have you been this wet, baby?” 

“Oh damn you.” You were embarrassingly wet at this point, and the sounds your body made as he finger-fucked you were lewd. But you couldn’t get enough. “Ever since we were interrupted at the store earlier today.” 

His lips brushed against the back of your neck as he spoke. “You’ve been thinking about me all day then? Huh? Have you been thinking about what could’ve happened if we weren’t interrupted earlier? About how I would’ve fucked you nice and hard against that bookshelf? Hmm?” 

“Yes…” You whimpered as he kept fucking you with his fingers even as you came, trembling against him. His fingers slid in and out of you with ease now. “I thought about you, about us, all day.” You whispered quietly, your warm breath fogging up the cold glass in front of you. 

He didn’t care that you came already. He wanted more. So he reached deeper inside you, curling his fingers just enough to make you mutter incoherent things. 

“And what did you do? Did you touch yourself after I left? Or did you rush home and take care of it?” He asked, “Or did you wait till now?” 

“Please…” You begged. “I waited, I promise.” 

“Oh?” He chuckled, slowing down his movements purposely. “You waited, huh?” He playfully bit on your exposed shoulder. 

“Yes…” You whined. “I did. Cause I wanted you to touch me and make me feel good. Please, Bucky, make it feel good.” 

“Oh baby,” He whispered, kissing around your ear, along your jaw. “I’ve got you.

Bucky pulled away for a brief moment. You couldn’t see him, but you could hear him undoing his trousers. And moments later, he was rubbing the tip of his cock against your wet folds. You shivered in pleasure.

“Yes…” You panted. 

“I’m gonna make it feel good, okay?” He mumbled into your ear as he pushed his cock into you, making you cry out loud as he stretched you out. 

It had been a while since you got laid. So Bucky felt huge inside you. You moaned as his fingers found your clit again, rubbing it in sync with his thrusts. His metal hand left your wrists and came down to grab you by the waist, holding you against him as he sped up into you, fucking you just like how you hoped he would. Fast. Deep. Hungrily. 

He dipped his head into the crook of your neck and licked, and bit on your skin as he fucked into you relentlessly, earning more and more moans out of you each time his cock stroked your walls. “You feel so fucking good, you know that? My pretty girl…” 

You moaned quietly, shamelessly, your body slamming into the glass with each one of his thrusts, and fuck if it didn’t turn you on more. 

“Tight little thing, aren’t you? Gripping me like you’re never gonna let go,” He chuckled in that cocky way you loved. “I’m right here, baby. I’ve got you now.” He moaned against your ear and the sound sent shivers down your back. “Whenever you want me to make you feel good, I’ll do it. You hear me? I’ll take care of you, don’t you worry.” 

You nodded, your legs starting to shake as he quickened his pace, pounding into you mercilessly. His fingers still teasing your clit and making you lose your mind. 

“Bucky–,” You choked on your words as you came undone, walls clenching around him, and a loud moan erupting from your mouth as he made you come hard. It was almost blinding. 

His thrusts became irregular as he came right after you did, cock throbbing against your pulsating walls, moaning out loud when he felt your walls pulsating violently around him. “Fuck, baby,” He came while biting down on your shoulder.

You leaned against the glass door, limp and satiated. You had to blink a couple times to come back from that high. The glass was completely fogged up in front of your face as you pulled away to breathe deeply. 

Bucky held you gently. Wrapping his arms around you, his cock still inside you, throbbing. “You okay?” 

You giggled, leaning your head back to rest against his shoulder. “I’m okay.” You replied. “You?” 

“Yeah. Perfect.” A pause, then he said. “I gotta buy some condoms if we’re gonna do this often. I wasn’t exactly planning on–,” He hesitated. “You know…” 

You giggled again. “Yeah I know. Me neither.” 

Then you both laughed and Bucky helped you clean up as best he could before he walked you back to your house. You kissed him goodnight, and he said he hoped to see you soon. You exchanged numbers and then pulled him in for another kiss before he left. 

—

The following day Bucky dropped by the store and saw that it was packed. Of course, you’d told him over text that Fridays tend to get a little busy. Teens come over to get homework done after school. Some people came to get books for the weekend. Others just came to talk to you and ask about your week. The younger kids dropped by after school for snacks because they knew they’d miss it given you didn’t open during weekends. 

So Bucky only had a minute or two to say hi and give you a gentle kiss on the cheek. 

“Can I see you tonight? If you don’t have plans?” He asked. 

You seemed sad when you replied, “I’m pet-sitting for someone tonight. And I’m going over to a friend's house for dinner on Saturday night. Can we meet on Sunday?” 

He grumpily agreed. Because what did you mean he had to wait for two nights to see you again? 

He tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep on Friday night. So he ended up texting you: 

Saturday night was no different. He couldn’t sleep. But he didn’t want to text you again and seem desperate. Even though he was very much desperate. And he was pleasantly surprised when he received a text from you: 

Needless to say, when you showed up at his house in the morning, all other plans went out the window because after breakfast, the two of you spent almost the whole day in Bucky’s bedroom. 

— 

And so, weeks passed. 

You and Bucky got more and more involved in each other’s lives. Taking turns sleeping over at each other’s house. You weren’t putting a label on it. Yet. But it was solid, whatever you two had. And it was comforting and warm. Knowing you had someone else to rely on, a shoulder to lean on after a long day, knowing you could just walk over to the house next door whenever you wanted company was nice. 

Bucky came over to yours a lot. Randomly. Sometimes he’d come over and help you with your garden, or keep you company as you fed the birds and the wild rabbits, or helped you whenever you made dinner for the two of you. It was… peaceful, the budding romance. 

You began joining Bucky on his daily evening walks. Usually, he’d come by your store at around closing time, and he’d wait till you closed and locked the place, then you would both take the long way home. People in the neighbourhood began noticing, and when the older ladies would visit your store they’d tease you about it, singing all sorts of praises about how much of a good guy Bucky was, and how helpful. 

Bucky mentioned that the old guys at the pub would tease him about it too. Telling him how lucky he was that he found such a sweet, kind, and pretty girl. 

“I am, you know?” He said to you one night, over the phone. 

“What?” You asked, holding the phone between your shoulder and your ear as you were tidying up your study room, finally deciding to put it to use. You wanted to turn it into your at home library. Make it nice and cosy like those reading nooks you’d set up at the store. 

“Lucky,” He answered. “To have you.” 

His reply made you pause in the middle of your slightly messy study room. 

Bucky continued, “When I decided to leave everything and move here, I knew the people around here were friendly and kind. But I had given up all hope I had of finding, you know, my person.” 

You smiled to yourself, feeling a little sad thinking about Bucky and how he thought he’d have to spend the rest of his days all alone here. You wanted to tell him you felt the same. You wanted to tell him that you’d given up on dating as well, after uni. You liked the people in this town, and you’d been on a few dates since you moved here. But you were always so busy taking care of your grandmother that you could never quite commit. And then after she passed you were not emotionally stable, especially given your family didn’t even reach out to ask you how you were doing and how you were dealing with everything. So you kind of just… gave up as well. 

And then you met Bucky. 

“And then I met you.” His voice was steady, firm as he repeated your thoughts. 

“Oh Buck,” You sighed. “Why don’t you come over? You’ve got me all emotional now.” 

Bucky chuckled. “You just want me to come over so we can fuck, don’t you?” 

You laughed. “No,” You argued, “I actually need you for something.” You said, looking around trying to find something, an excuse to use to you can get him to come over. You didn’t know what it was, but the vulnerability in his tone made you want to wrap your arms around him and keep him safe from the rest of the world. And now, you just needed to see him. Plus, you didn’t want him to be alone. Not after what he just told you. Besides, you had to tell him you felt the same and you didn’t wanna do that over the phone. “I have a huge bookshelf I need to move. Can you come help?” You lied. The bookshelf was perfect where it was. 

Bucky let out a dramatic sigh, “Fine. I knew it, you just want me around because I’m handy.” 

You laughed as you hung up the phone. 

Less than a minute later, Bucky was up in your study, lugging around your bookshelf as you instructed him where to place it. And after a few more minutes of deciding, you settled on having the bookshelf exactly where it initially was. 

Bucky gave you a confused look that had you giggling as he placed the shelf back down to where it was. “Well this was a waste of time.” He mumbled. 

“Maybe,” You teased, sitting down on the edge of the nearby desk. “Or maybe I just wanted to see you flexing those muscles.” You were only partially lying. Because he did look good in that extra tight black t-shirt. His silver chain caught the light the same way his metal arm did. “Come here.” You extended out your arms for him to walk into. 

And he did, sighing dramatically and mumbling something about how he was right about you only wanting him for his incredibly amazing body. But he did walk into your arms. And smiled down at you as you wrapped your arms around him. 

“You know, I didn’t ask you to come here for the bookshelf.” 

He smirked, “I know.” A pause, then he said, “Did what I said earlier scare you? Did you call me here to dump me?” He asked, raising his eyebrow and glaring at you in that playful manner of his. 

You laughed. “I could never dump you.” You leaned forward and pressed your forehead to his chest, inhaling his masculine scent and said, “I wanted to tell you that I had given up as well. But, things have changed ever since I met you too.” You finally looked up and met his eyes. Bucky’s ocean blue ones were focused on you as you finally confessed, “And I really like you, Bucky.” 

His face softened as he looked down at you. Then he lowered his face, placing his palms on the surface of the desk till he was face to face with you. And he said, “I really like you too.” He leaned in for a sweet, deep kiss. 

You slid your fingers into his hair and he smiled into the kiss when he felt you tugging on his hair. He grabbed you by the thighs and pulled you closer as he stepped in between your legs. 

Bucky pulled away just a little, keeping his lips pressed against the side of your mouth as he said, “But you know, as much as I like you, I can’t be going around doing manual labour for free.” His hands massaged your thighs in a way that had you whimpering for him already. “So, what will you give me?” 

You smiled, running your hands all over his muscular shoulders and chest. “I made fresh cookies this morning.” 

He chuckled. “Not enough.” He pulled away to look at you, “Nowhere near enough.” 

“Well,” You held his stare and asked, “What do you want then?” You gently reached down, wrapped your fingers around his wrist and guided it in between your legs. “You want that?” 

“Yeah.” Bucky immediately cupped your clothed core. Possessively. 

“You can have that.” You said, breathlessly. 

He groaned. “You’re gonna be the death of me, baby.” He shook his head, “Take all that off then, let me see what you’re offering.” 

You smirked, holding his stare as you lifted your dress up and removed your underwear before sitting on the edge of the desk again, spreading your legs so he could just look at you down there.  

Bucky placed his hands on your thighs again, spread them further apart, and took his time inspecting your wet folds. He mindlessly dragged a metal finger up and down your slit, making you shiver and moan as he touched you but barely. 

His eyes trailed up to your tits, and his other hand reached up to pinch a clothed nipple, making you yelp. “Ow!” You frowned at him. 

“What?” He chuckled, “You’re all mine. I’m allowed to play with you.” 

“That hurt.” 

He smirked. “I know it did.” He held your stare as he got down on his knees so his mouth was mere inches away from your clit. “Now, keep your legs spread for me. Just like this. Open for me. Okay?” 

You nodded, looking down in between your legs as he leaned in and pressed his mouth shamelessly to your wetness. 

His tongue, his lips, the gentle suction of his warm mouth – it was all too much, too good. He moved his head side to side, his coarse stubble brushing against your soft inner thighs. You whined and trembled, trying to keep your voice down as he made you lose your mind by eating you out like a starved man. 

“All mine, yeah?” He whispered, looking up at you with his mouth just barely hovering above your clit. “My girl.” He smiled, then got back to it, the lower half of his face was completely submerged in your wet cunt. 

Your fingers slid into his hair again, gently guiding him as he made it feel so good it almost hurt. 

You came with a yelp and a moan, riding his face and tugging on his hair. 

Bucky smiled as he pulled away and stood back up. “You taste so good, baby. Thank you.” 

You couldn’t take your eyes off his damp lips. “I should be thanking you.” You said quietly. 

“No,” He argued, licking his lips then added, “That was selfishly all for me.” 

You chuckled, then pulled him in for a kiss. 

How did you get so lucky? 

— 

Eventually, Bucky ended up taking you up the mountains in his truck. His large, all black Ford Raptor was nice and clean, it smelled like new leather and it was comfortable too. 

While driving up, Bucky kept his hand on your thigh, and you couldn’t help but feel giddy each time you looked down to see him mindlessly caressing your thigh. Then you’d look up and find him driving with just one hand, and that simple act was so hot for no reason. 

Easy, tiger. 

You managed to keep your hands to yourself the entire drive up. 

Bucky came to a stop at a well-known spot. People often drove here to look at the view. And it was so worth it. You could see everything from here. The woods, the lake, the houses and the lights coming on in the streets given that the sun was starting to set now. You could spot your house and Bucky’s as well. 

The woods up here were extra dense so it was darker than everywhere else, and the sky was quickly changing colours. From pink to orange, to a darker blue right before your eyes. But none of it compared to the man beside you who was rambling about how nice it was that you baked muffins especially for this little date. 

“I’m dying to have some of–,”

You cut him off by grabbing his face and kissing him. Bucky was surprised but quickly went along, kissing you back with almost just as much hunger. “Make some room for me.” You mumbled in between kisses. “I hope you have condoms in your truck. Please say you do.” 

Bucky understood immediately, and pushed his seat back just enough to allow you to move from the passenger side to his lap, straddling him. He smiled into the kiss as he slowly trailed his hands downwards till they rested at the curve of your butt. “I did bring some.” 

“Perfect.” You could feel his warmth on your skin even through the material of the skirt you’d chosen to wear for this date, and it made your heart race even more. “I need you so badly. Can I have you? Please?” You asked, placing your forehead against his. 

Bucky pulled you even closer, kissing down your chin as he said, “You can have whatever you want, baby.” 

You sighed in bliss as he kissed down your neck, playfully biting and nibbling on your skin. 

Bucky pulled away to look at you, “By the way, you’re not subtle. I saw you squirming in your seat the whole way here.” He whispered in that cocky tone of his, one of his hands slipping under your shirt, gently caressing your skin. “You know when you want me you can just ask, right? You don’t have to wait. I will pull over for a quickie anytime.” 

You chuckled, nuzzling his cheek as you said, “I don’t wanna seem like all I think about when I’m with you is how good you fuck me.” 

“Fuck.” He groaned, gripping your thighs tighter. “Who knew such a sweet girl had such a filthy mouth, huh?” 

You leaned in to kiss him again, and both of his hands found their way under your shirt, pulling at the hem. You giggled into the kiss before pulling away to get rid of your top. You threw it somewhere in the backseat before leaning in to kiss Bucky again. Your hands slid into his hair, his hands inched up your back to undo the clasp of your bra. You quickly got rid of that as well, baring your breasts to him. 

He wasted no time before leaning in and taking one of your nipples into his warm mouth. He moaned, mouth wrapped around one of your tits as he sucked gently. Your back arched, giggling and gasping as he teased you. You found your hips moving against his, grinding against him. 

You gasped as he sucked hungrily on your skin, moving up to your collar bones, down to your breasts and back up. Bucky chuckled when you tugged on his hair, getting more and more impatient and needy. Oh, he loved you in moods like these. 

“Stop fucking teasing me.” You whispered, grounding your hips against his jeans. 

He smirked, looking down to where your skirt had inched up your legs, revealing your thighs even more, “Yeah? Well, you’re my girl. I’ll do whatever I want with you.” He leaned in for a proper kiss. “To you. I’ll tease you for hours if I want to.” 

You playfully bit his lip, making him hiss in pain before he chuckled against your mouth. “Stop wasting time please, I want to fuck you.” 

He laughed, pushing his face against your bare chest and kissing the soft skin between your breasts. “You’ve turned into a little monster, you know that? 

You let out a little laugh, “Oh shut up. You made me like this.” 

Bucky raised his eyebrows at you, smirking like the cocky little shit he was. “I know.” 

You grabbed him by the chin and said, “No more teasing.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” He smiled, leaning in to kiss your neck again. “You smell so fucking good. I could just eat you up.” He whispered against your skin as his hands slipped under your skirt, his thumbs caressing your inner thighs – making you gasp and whimper quietly as his fingers teased you in between your legs through your underwear. “Too bad we don’t have enough room for me to taste you right now. Later though, okay? When we get home.” 

“Bucky…” You whined as he leaned down to suck on your tits again, more greedy than earlier as he toyed with your wet folds and clit at the same time 

Your impatient hands were at the zipper of his pants in no time. 

He finally looked up and gave you a lazy smile, eyes hooded with lust. “Go on, baby. Take it out, it’s all yours.” His voice was suddenly deeper than earlier. Bucky reached for the condom and handed it to you. He fucking loved how you tore it open and put it on him each time. “Good job, baby.” He said, once you were done. 

His voice made you shiver. And only then did you realise that there was a light drizzle outside, which made the air even colder, making you crave his body heat even more. Making this even hotter. 

You lifted off of his lap at the same time as you both lowered his pants and underwear to free his erected cock. Bucky groaned impatiently as he grabbed your hips, pulled your thin underwear to the side and aligned his cock to your entrance before gently lowering you down on him. 

You moaned as you slid down his thick cock, his stare burning on your face as he thrust up into you, all the way in. “Fuck,” He swore, then leaned in to give you a wet, messy kiss. “You okay, baby? You need a moment?” 

You shook your head, no you didn’t need a moment. What you needed was more of him. “Just… move, please, you feel so good.” You whispered, kissing down his rough cheek as he obeyed, and moved, knowing exactly how you liked it. 

You whined as he grabbed your hips and guided you up and down his cock, stretching you out in the process. You held onto his shoulders as you rode his cock, bouncing on it while you moaned for him, bending a little forward so as to not hit the roof of the truck too hard. 

“Fuck…,” You felt him fill you up nicely each time, the pressure in between your legs getting hotter and hotter. “You feel so fucking good.” 

Bucky threw his head back against the headrest, watching you with lust-drunk eyes. He let out a strained moan, as he thrust into you over and over again, while also bringing you down on his cock each time with enough force to make your tits bounce. “You’re fucking beautiful. Can’t believe you’re all mine.” 

“All yours.” You said, unable to hold back your moans when he placed his thumb over your clit and rubbed it gently, in time with his thrusts. You forced yourself to look into his eyes, and the feral look in them only made you clench harder around him. 

You bit your lower lip as he thrust his hips up harder into you, your eyes rolled back and you moaned out his name as you came so close to coming undone for him. “Bucky…” 

“You’re gonna come for me?” He asked, “You’re gonna come all over my cock, huh?” 

You answered after a loud whimper, “Yes… please, can I come?” 

He cupped your cheek and traced your mouth with his thumb, “Go on, baby. Come all over my cock. Come for me…” Your walls clenched violently around his cock. You came hard, whimpering and crying for him and gasping for breath. 

Bucky came right after you, his warm load spilling in the condom as he wrapped his arms around you and held you like you were the most precious thing in the world. Like he hadn’t just fucked you like an animal. 

You caught your breath, wrapped in Bucky’s arms. Your head rested on his shoulder as you tried to calm your racing heart. “You’re right,” You said, while catching your breath, “This feels like a real date.” 

He laughed and kissed you on the forehead. 

And there you stayed, in his arms as you two watched the sun set and watched how the town lit up. 

— 

More time passed. Bucky officially asked you to be his girlfriend by showing up at the store early one morning, after you two had spent the weekend apart yet again. And he came with flowers, a look on his face which stated that he hadn’t slept well. 

“Oh Buck…” You pulled him into your arms the moment you saw those sleepy, tired eyes. “What happened to you?” 

He mumbled, his voice low and tired as well. “Can’t sleep when you’re not there.” 

“Aww, baby.” You kissed his gorgeous face, then noticed the flowers in his hand. “For me?” 

He nodded, handing them to you. “Please let me be your boyfriend. I can’t do this no label thing anymore. I won’t tie you down or anything, but I…” He struggled to find the right words, “I just wanna be able to sleep knowing you’ll come back to me again each time you leave, or spend the weekend away.” 

You felt like tearing up and laughing at the same time. So you accepted the flowers and kissed him instead. “I’ll always come back to you.” You promised. “And yes, you can be my boyfriend.” You kissed him again. “It’s a good thing I’m not close to my parents anymore. How would I explain having a century-old boyfriend?” 

He didn’t find that funny, so he chased you around the store until he finally cornered you against one of the shelves – well away from your grandma’s portrait – and kissed you until you were breathless. 

—

One evening, Bucky got a call. It was you. 

So he answered with a smile. “Hi baby. What is it this time?” He teased. “You need me to move another piece of furniture? Or are you calling again to ask if you can come watch me run shirtless around the lake? If so, I’m sorry to disappoint you but I’m not planning on going for a run today.” 

He frowned when all he heard was silence on your side. Silence, and a shaky breath. 

“Baby?” 

“Uh, Buck?” That shaky, scared tone of your voice wiped the smile right off his face. 

“What is it?” He asked, already panicking and looking for the keys of his truck, in case he needed to come get you from somewhere. You had told him you’d be out running errands earlier. “Where are you? What is it? Are you okay?” 

His heart raced thinking about all the times he’d hear silence on the comms when he was out on missions. The silence was like all those terrible memories come back, flooding his brain again. And he couldn’t help but imagine the worst possible scenarios. 

His voice was close to cracking as he asked, in a panicked tone, “Baby, please tell me you’re okay.” 

He heard a sniffle, and his heart almost dropped. You were not okay. His blood rushed, his heart beat faster than normal. 

“Bucky,” Your voice sounded broken, “This is so stupid,” You sounded disappointed in yourself. “I, um, I came deeper into the woods to get those purple edible flowers but um, I think I’m lost?” 

His heart sank. His blood froze. Fuck.

Another sniffle. Your voice cracked as you spoke, “I’ve been walking around in circles and I can’t…” Another shaky exhale, “I can’t get out. It’s been hours. It’s starting to get really dark, Bucky. Please–,” The call ended abruptly. 

When he tried calling you back, he couldn’t reach you. Something to do with network issues. 

Bucky felt like his world was crumbling down all over again. Like he was gonna lose another person dear to him. For a moment, he remained frozen in the middle of his house. His mind taking him back to those brutal days of missions and death and darkness he thought he’d walked away from. 

No, no, no. 

This wasn’t a mission. He reminded himself. He would get you back, he would get you back safe and sound. 

“Just please be okay, baby. Please.” He whispered under his breath as he took off running, through his backyard and into the woods. He ran in the direction of where he knew you had the habit of plucking those flowers. He didn’t care that it was starting to drizzle and all he was wearing was a t-shirt. 

It was starting to get dark, and he only had a few hours to get to you before it got completely dark out. Fuck, he didn’t even bring a light with him. 

“I’m coming, baby.” He mumbled under his breath as he ran deeper into the woods. “Don’t you worry.” 

He called out your name multiple times while he ran, stopping every few minutes to listen if you answered his calls. Or if he could hear anything at all. 

Come on, baby. Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? 

At one point, he was deep enough that when he stopped to listen, he could hear animals howling, and owls screeching. 

Fuck. This is a fucking horror movie. 

He couldn’t help but think about all those times he ran through woods to find and help his friends and teammates, worried sick during the search and not knowing what state he’d find them in. 

Please, baby. Please, be okay. I can’t lose you. I can’t lose you. I can’t lose you. Not like this. Not now. I want more time. Please, please, please. 

He called out your name again. And again. Louder each time, his throat burning. 

Finally, he stopped near a stream just to recalibrate. His panicked brain only showed him disturbing images of you hurt, or attacked by an animal, or worse– 

Then he saw it. A single purple flower floating down the stream. Followed by a lot more. It was the only thing keeping him sane at the moment. He frowned, wondering if he was seeing things or if it was truly those damned flowers you liked to pluck for your baking. 

He reached for one and grabbed it, clutching it in his hand he took a deep breath. Okay, if he followed the stream maybe he’d get to where you are, he reasoned. So that’s what he did. He ran up the stream, careful not to slip and fall. 

The woods were getting darker and darker, but he was used to navigating in the dark. It wasn’t easy, but he was better at it than regular humans. 

So Bucky ran, for what felt like forever, until he saw a spot of red on top of a fallen tree trunk. 

He stopped running when he saw you, his chest burning with how fast he’d been running. And for how long. Must be about an hour or two by now. But there you were, sitting on a log, with your red coat around you and your hood on. Fuck, you were probably freezing too.  

As he got closer he noticed your body shaking with quiet sobs, your boots muddy and your basket of fucking flowers on the ground. 

“There you are.” He said, breathlessly. “Baby?” 

Relief and exhaustion. A million thoughts and feelings coursing through him, he felt like he was going to explode. The only thing that felt like it tethered him to earth was the feeling of your body colliding into his chest as you ran into his arms. So hard that it almost knocked him off his balance. 

“Bucky!” You sobbed. 

He was still breathing faster than he’d ever had. “I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you. Are you hurt?” He pulled away to look at you, “Look at me! Are you hurt?” 

How many times had he found his friends unconscious? Or with broken limbs? Or with bullet holes all over their bodies? For a moment, he was back in that life. That life filled with tragedy and pain. 

“No,” You spoke, teary eyed and voice shaking with panic and relief all at once. “My phone ran out of battery and–,” You let out a breath. “I was scared you wouldn’t find me.” 

He pulled you into his arms again, hugging you tighter than earlier, “Why wouldn’t I find you? I was worried sick. I thought–,” He stopped talking. Fuck. He needed to get a grip and calm those racing thoughts. 

A strange anger washed over him. Mainly because he was disappointed. Why hadn’t he gone out with you? You would’ve never gotten lost if he was with you. Fuck, what other dangers would you find yourself in due to his carelessness? What if next time– 

He blinked a couple of times and just said, “Come on, let’s go.” 

You noted the change in his tone and demeanor, but you didn’t say anything. You just followed him, wiping your tears and cursing the flowers in your basket. 

“I didn’t even realise I’d gotten this deep.” You spoke, looking ahead at Bucky’s back while he walked ahead and led the way. 

He didn’t say anything. 

“I only realised I went off my regular path when I started hearing all the animals.” You spoke, still staring at Bucky’s back. “Why aren’t you saying anything?” You asked softly. 

You got only silence from him. You could tell his mind was racing. But you didn’t understand the silent treatment. 

“Bucky?” You called out. 

He didn’t reply. 

“Say something.” You demanded. 

He stopped. And you nearly bumped into his back. When Bucky turned around to face you, he seemed different. Still. So still like he wasn’t breathing. It felt like he was a statue. The look in his eyes was blank. He was looking at you, but it felt like he was looking through you. 

It scared you how quiet he was. “Bucky?” 

“I thought I was gonna find you broken and maimed.” He finally said. “Do you know how many times I’ve had to go out and search places. Trying to find my teammates, or friends. Desperate to find them, or even a–,” He swallowed. “Or even a part of them.” 

You were quiet this time. And there was only silence, except for the light rain hitting the leaves around you. 

“I’m sorry.” You finally said. “Look, I was just scared when I called you. There’s nothing around here that could hurt me like that.” 

“Don’t be sorry.” He said. His voice was bitter. He finally looked at you, dead in the eyes and said, “Be smart. I ran for hours to get to you. I thought I’d find you dead. Why would you even get this far into the woods?” He finally snapped out of the trance he was in, getting heated with emotions now. “We don’t even know what lives in these woods! Nobody does!” 

You understood where he was coming from. But you didn’t appreciate the tone. “Why are you being mean to me? You’re acting like I chose to get lost. I didn’t mean to, Buck!” You got angry too. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for ruining your fucking evening.” You sassed. “I won’t do it again.” 

“Damn right you won’t!” He raised his voice just as much as you did. “I’m not letting you into these woods alone ever again!” 

“You don’t own me! I’ll go wherever I want!” Your mind couldn’t think properly. You were exhausted and still in panic mode. “I’ll even run away from you if I want to!” 

A second of silence as he processed your angry words. Then, “Fine!” He hissed. “Don't call me crying to come rescue you then next time you get lost doing what you want!” 

As much as you were angry at him, your lips trembled at the sound of his tone. “If I had someone else, literally anyone else I could rely on, I would've never called you in the first place.” You stated. Then, despite not wanting to, you teared up again. Your voice cracking as you said, “But I have no one.” 

“I have no one either!” Bucky said, “Don’t you see that? I was– I was scared I was gonna lose you too.” He sounded tired, and disappointed. “I fucking love you, and it kills me that you could be so easily taken from me! You don’t think that scares me to death every single fucking day?!” 

You couldn’t handle it. The panic and pain in his voice, the way Bucky looked heartbroken, the way he looked like he was reliving painful memories and the way you couldn’t do anything about it, the multitude of emotions running through your head at the sound of his confession… 

You couldn’t bear the shattered look on his face. So you took off running. In the other direction. 

Behind you, you could hear Bucky screaming, “Baby, for fuck’s sake!” 

But you didn’t stop. You kept running, ditching the basket and wiping your tears. 

“Get back here!” 

You could hear Bucky’s calls, but you didn’t answer. You didn’t know what to do. No one had ever made you feel that many emotions all at once ever again. Fuck, even dealing with your emotionally unavailable family was easier than this. Bucky was like an avalanche. Inescapable. Fierce. Passionate. And he destroyed all of your fears and your worries. He was so… colossal. He took over your life completely lately. And it messed with your head. Disorienting, but in the best ways. 

“Go away!” You sobbed. You were completely drenched at this point, the rain getting heavier and heavier, running for your life like a madwoman. Trying to get away from Bucky like he wasn’t the only person you ever wanted to run to for the rest of your life. 

You heard his footsteps, running, chasing and closer to you than earlier. 

You managed to run faster, finally able to put some distance between you two… only to trip on a fallen branch. You cursed before getting up, now with leaves and dirt sticking to you. 

You heard him. He was closer. Closer. “Baby, please.” He begged, his voice getting louder. 

You ran faster. Hoping to be able to somehow lose him and make your way back out of the woods somehow, and hide. Why? You didn’t know. 

But you couldn’t do that because right when you were about to make a sharp turn, Bucky grabbed you by the elbow and tackled you to the ground. Luckily you both fell on a soft, wet patch of moss rather than rocks or something. 

“Don’t run from me. I just found you.” He growled, straddling your squirming body and pinning your hands above your head. “What the hell did I say that made you run, huh? Am I not allowed to care for you?” 

You were still breathless. “You piss me off, Bucky!” You answered, heart racing. 

“Do I now?” He sounded cocky again. Far away from that strange trance he was in earlier, haunted by his past memories. 

Your body was warm because of how fast your heart was pumping blood but the rain falling from above was cold, so cold. The contrast was somehow maddening. Like Bucky. 

“Yes! And you are so mean!” You squirmed, trying to get free. 

“Stop moving!” He hissed. “I’m allowed to care, you hear me?” 

“You’re not allowed to be mad over something I had no control over.” You argued. 

“Yes I fucking am! I’m fucking allowed to be mad where my girl’s safety is concerned.” 

That shut you up. Bucky’s smirk sent a chill down your spine. 

“That’s not why you ran, is it?” He leaned down, his face hovering above yours. The damp strands of his hair tickling your face. “Is it because of what I said? About how I love you? Did you want a more romantic confession? Hmm? A cute little picnic? More flowers?” He taunted, his voice doing things to you that resulted in you feeling your arousal drip out of you. “Well that’s what I had in mind for tonight, you know? I was waiting for you at home, I was gonna make you your favourite dinner, and spout some fucking poetry to let you know how I feel but no.” He tightened his grip on your wrists. “You just had to run into these damn woods and get lost, didn’t you?” 

A tear fell down your face, disappearing into the moss under you. Fuck. You loved Bucky so much it physically hurt. 

“What is it, baby?” His voice was colder than the rain, “Did I scare you with that? Huh?” 

You sniffled. Closing your eyes for a moment, you took in a deep breath, but he was so close that you inhaled his scent as well. His cologne and his sweat was a heady mix, paired with the scent of the rain and your surroundings. You didn’t even know why you were crying. 

Bucky shut you up again with a kiss. A punishing, deep kiss. His hands let go of your wrists, coming down to grab your red coat at the neckline, ripping it open. You heard the buttons go flying around, then he grabbed the dress you were wearing under the coat, again at the neckline, and easily tore it off your body, baring your breasts to him since you hadn’t bothered to wear a bra to come to the woods. 

Bucky pulled away from the kiss, looking down at you. Above him, the sky was a darker shade of blue. His eyes demanded a silent question. He would back off immediately if you asked him to. 

But you didn’t. 

So he held your stare as he leaned down to take one of your breasts in his mouth, sucking and biting and alternating between the two of them.

You gasped and moaned and squirmed under him. The tension from earlier forgotten for now. Drops of water constantly dripped on the two of you, thankfully the pine trees took the brunt of the now heavy rain. But you could hear it, the sound of the rain falling. The grunts and groans coming from Bucky’s mouth, the sound of your moaning, the chill in the air. It was all too much. 

Bucky’s mouth moved from your breasts and kissed down your drenched torso, sucking the rain off your skin until he reached your inner thighs where he parted your legs and settled in between them. He slid your underwear to the side, and you moaned shamelessly when you felt his warm, wet tongue lick down your folds. 

His tongue slipped past your folds and teased your entrance, occasionally flicking your throbbing clit mercilessly until you screamed his name. Your hands immediately gripped his hair and tugged gently at his wet hair. 

Your torn clothes were getting soiled but you didn’t care. Neither did he. 

He licked and sucked relentlessly, “You taste so fucking good…” He whispered as he ate you out until you whined, throwing your head back and moaning at how good he felt. His warm mouth pressed against your most intimate part, his tongue stroking you. 

He growled when your hips instinctively bucked against his mouth. You whined as the sounds he made reverberated through your entire body, causing goosebumps to erupt all over your body. 

“What is it? You want more?” He taunted. “Thought you were mad at me just now. Don’t I piss you off anymore?” 

You felt tingles shooting through you as he teased you incessantly. Even in the darkness, you could sense that his piercing eyes were wild and fierce, staring up at you from in between your legs. 

“Oh damn you.” You hissed, your heart overflowing with all the love you had for him. 

“You’re all mine…” he whispered, thrusting his tongue deeper into you. You moaned and whimpered, your body getting warmer and warmer with each touch of his tongue. “You hear me? All mine.” He said.

“Please, Buck…” You felt your walls tighten around nothing, and you knew you were close. You could only moan and whimper as he kept licking deeper into you, your back arching off the cold ground. You felt him quicken his pace and you felt the pressure building up in between your hips until you couldn’t handle it anymore, and you came undone all over his lips, moaning and whimpering. Your naked body drenched in the rain. 

Bucky tore your underwear off, he’d never had to use such brute strength before, but he did now. And it only made you throb and want him more. His metal hand found itself around your throat as he parted your legs and pushed his cock into you without wasting a second, stretching you out. 

Condoms be damned. You both needed this, you thought.  

It felt so raw, primal, and dirty, being fucked on the forest floor by a man like Bucky. Broad shoulders, metal arm, hair damp and messy. His t-shirt and jeans sticking to him like a second skin while you were naked under him. 

“Sure you didn’t think you could run and hide from me, baby, did you? Or maybe you secretly did want to be fucked like this? Hmm?” He questioned, knowing you weren’t in a headspace to answer him given his hand was around your throat and his cock buried so deep inside of you – he knew your brain was a foggy mess. “My pretty girl. You’re so easily affected by a raised voice, huh? You couldn’t handle it? I spoil you too much, don’t I? You’re so fucking soft, look at you.” He scoffed, “Crying and throwing a tantrum the moment I raise my voice at you.” 

But you couldn’t argue. All you could so was whine and moan as he began fucking into you hard and fast. There was nothing gentle about it. He was wild like his surroundings, and passionate, animalistic, fucking you like there’s no tomorrow. And you enjoyed every bit of it. 

He tightened his grip around your throat as he sped up into you, leaning down and growling right in your ear and telling you that you belonged to him. “All mine.” 

The cold didn’t matter now that his warm, though damp and clothed, body was pressing down on you. Something about you being completely naked while he was still dressed made the moment all the more raw and dirty. 

“All yours.” You managed to choke out. 

You were a moaning mess under him, your hands finding their way into his hair as he fucked you nice and hard. It was all overwhelming, his voice, his weight on top of you, his cock thrusting in and out of you repeatedly… 

He released your throat and placed his hand on your abdomen, his metal hand pressing down on your front so he can feel himself inside you with each thrust. He stared into your eyes while he sped up into you again. “There I am. You feel that? That’s me fucking my girl.” He said, thrusting into your extra hard to prove his point. He smirked when your body squirmed under him. “What did you say earlier? That you’d run from me if you wanted to?” He boasted, “Try running now, baby.” 

All you could do was moan, clenching your eyes shut as you felt like you were losing your mind under him. 

“Look at me, hey, hey!” He tapped your cheek gently to get you to open your eyes. “Look at me,” His tone was gentle now. “Are you gonna come frolicking around here alone again? Huh? Are you?” 

You shook your head, unable to speak coherently.  

“Answer me. Use your words, come on.” He insisted. “You were so bratty earlier, what happened, huh? Use your words baby, come on tell me. Are you?” 

“No, please. I won’t. I promise.” 

“Good girl. Now come for me.” 

You cried out, feeling him speed up into you. “Bucky, I–,” 

“Shh, baby.” He sounded much calmer now. “I’ve got you, don’t worry. I’m right here.” He mumbled into your ear. “Your man’s here, I've got you. Just let go and come for me, that’s it. Just come.” 

He pressed his lips to yours as he made you come first, his mouth swallowing your moans as you orgasmed before he pulled out and came all over your inner thighs. 

You both caught your breaths. Bucky pressed his forehead to yours. “I love you.” He whispered. Over and over again. It was pouring now. The rain washing over you both, taking away the tension with it. 

“You’re all I have, Buck.” You confessed, breathlessly. “And I love you. So much. And when you got angry earlier… I’ve never seen that side of you before. It scared me. You’re all I have and you were mad at me. I didn’t know what else to do.” 

Bucky sighed, leaning in to press his forehead down against yours. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry.” He sounded genuine. “You scared me too. I thought– I didn’t mean to be angry at you. I just– that was wrong of me. I’m sorry.” 

“I know.” 

“I fucking love you.” 

“I love you too.” You sniffled. 

Bucky pulled away to look down at you. You could see it well, but you could’ve sworn his eyes were teary too. “Let’s get you home.” 

—

He took you to his house, and didn’t stop apologising or touching you in that gentle way of his. Not in the shower, not when he tucked you both in and pulled you closer in bed, not when he made sure you’d eaten something and drank plenty of water. 

And especially not when he made love to you again. Slow, and passionate love. Fingers laced together, his body on top of yours, his cock moving in and out of you languidly, his eyes staring into yours in a way that made you tear up again. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, kissing all over your face. 

“Me too.” You whispered, breathlessly. “We could’ve–” You gasped in pleasure, “We could’ve handled that better.” 

Bucky chuckled, kissing you on the mouth. “We’re idiots.” 

You giggled, his beard scratching your skin. “I agree.” 

—

You woke up the next morning wrapped in Bucky’s arms. He clung to you like a koala bear. And his heat was the most glorious thing to wake up to on a rainy morning. The world outside was cloudy and grey, and perfect for cuddles. 

“Are you up?” He asked, his voice tired and deeper than normal. 

“How long have you been up?” You asked, turning around to face him. 

“Didn’t sleep.” He said. 

“Bucky,” You chided, “Are you still worrying about last night?” 

He avoided your eyes. 

“Baby,” You cooed. “It’s okay. We talked about it, remember?” 

And you had a long conversation last night, after the multiple rounds of sex in his bed. About his protectiveness, about you being careful, about your relationship, about his fears, triggers, and worries due to his past, about everything. 

“I know,” He mumbled, kissing your forehead. “I love you. Too much.” 

You giggled, “I love you too. Too fucking much.” 

He seemed in a nicer mood instantly. “What would’ve happened to me if you hadn’t showed up that day? At my door with muffins and cookies to seduce me.” 

You laughed, snuggling into him. “Hey, it worked. I mean, I’m naked in your bed.” 

He laughed too. “Thank you, baby.” 

“What for?” 

“Sticking around.”

“Oh Buck. I’ll always stick around.” You mumbled into his neck, ���Just promise me we’ll have more… date nights deep into the woods.” 

He mumbled something about how he’d created a little sex monster, then pulled you closer and said, “Whatever you want, baby.” Then finally, he drifted off to a much needed sleep with his arms still wrapped around you.

— 

a/n: get it? She was wearing a RED coat in the woods, and he’s the White WOLF hehehe– [they drag me back to my padded cell as I scream] UNTIL NEXT TIME!!! [they lock me in my cell]

[zyafics]

CAN YOU PLEASE, PLEASE ON MY KNEES WRITE ABOUT BITCHY!READER X RAFE AND IT'S SMUT?? I FEEL LIKE YOU'LL DO IT JUSTICE!!! thank you

you literally read my mind because i was just thinking of this prompt that works so well with bitchy!reader!! hope you'll enjoy <3 (if it’s bad, look away!!)

WHATEVER SHE WANTS | Rafe Cameron

MASTERLIST (Oneshot)

Pairing — Rafe x Bitchy!Kook!Female Reader

Content — 18+, power/dominance play, p in v, doggy style, orgasm denial, and dirty talks

Word Count — 2.2K

lıllılı Whatever She Wants by Bryson Tiller

You always wanted Rafe.

It's your right. Since you were a child, you demanded the best in everything—toys, clothes, boyfriends. They had to be perfect. Had to be yours. And yes, it may come off a little superficial but who cares? It's what you deserve, and it'll be hell if you don't get it.

Since the first look, when you caught Rafe lounging on a chair with his friends, tipping the rim of his beer onto his lips, while his eyes scanned over the room in an attractive lazy way, you knew you had to have him. It didn't help that you were competitive, and Rafe garnered attention with women. They flocked to him and begged for a minute of his time. It became a game to you, and that heightened your need.

Everything was calculated. The makeup you wore, the outfits you curated, the glances. You always timed your arrivals—when you knew Rafe would be watching the door—and marked your exits. You knew exactly what to wear—dresses that tantalizing exposes your ass, but only as a preview—and the cosmetic style he liked. Rafe's the type of man who believes he wants a bare-faced woman, but truly, he wants something natural that enhances your features.

You came with friends. You left alone. You drank enough to loosen your nerves and danced with the crowd, but not enough to make a fool of yourself. You knew your tolerance and knew Rafe didn't like a messy girl.

At least, in public.

You caught his gaze a couple of times, flashing a flirtatious smile over your shoulders, but never lingered longer than three seconds. Rafe can't know how easy he can have you, because Rafe, like most boys, loves a chase. You're not easy, you're spoiled. He had to come to you.

And he did.

Rafe tried to introduce himself on several occasions. On those nights when you're leaving early—as planned—Rafe would cut to the door to pay a parting remark. "You're leaving so soon?" he would ask, "Alone? Again?" He would add. You always told him it was because no one caught your eye, and Rafe took that as a personal challenge. He would then try to tell you his name, as if he were different, to which you nod—detached—as if it didn't matter.

It drove him insane.

Because you didn't offer the same courtesy. You kept him guessing. He had to finally ask around to learn your name, which he would use to tease you the next time he saw you. And he did. And you laughed. But you acted like you didn't care. Like all the trouble he went through didn't prove a thing. That's when Rafe knew he needed you.

Tonight's no different. Just as you're about to leave, Rafe catches you with another smooth pick-up line. You just giggle. He studies how your eyes crinkle with amusement, the curve of your lips painted in his favorite shade of lipstick, and the lithe tilt of your head to the side as you ask him with your gaze, is that the best you got?

It isn't. But Rafe's determined to get further with you tonight. He continues to talk, asking about which men disappointed you and the reasons for your constant disappearances from these parties. And, for once, you're answering his questions with little resistance. Perhaps, it's because of the amount of cheap wines you consumed, or maybe you—for once—are tired of the games and want it to come to a fruitful end. Because when Rafe finally asks to take you home, you don't say no.

The walk to his truck is brisk. His arm wrapped around your waist, directing your path, while his fingers trail over the backless cut of your dress, producing a buzzing feeling beneath your skin. He's whispering something in your ear, but all of it is incomprehensible as you revel in the feeling of his touch and his touch alone. The feeling of your game coming to a conclusion.

And, just as you're about to reach the car, Rafe slams you into the side of the vehicle with a searing kiss.

His mouth catches yours and everything feels perfect. As if the buildup leading to this precise moment had been worth it, and every needy emotion rises to the top. His hand travels down the length of your body, to your hips, pulling you closer, and needing to eliminate all the space and wait you made him do.

Rafe's movements are swift and controlled. One of his hands props open the backdoor of his car, pushing you inside, and laying you against his leather seats. All without breaking the kiss.

"You don't know how long I wanted this, wanted you," Rafe blubbers between wet kisses. "Seeing you at every party, in these tiny dresses, not being able to touch," he rasps, bundling the hem of your dress into a tight fist. "Tell me you wear them for me."

"And if I did?" You say with a moan, tipping your head back to grant him access to your neck. "Did you like them?"

"Of course I did," he murmurs against the curve of your neck, the vibration of his words sending heat straight to your core. "You dressing up for me like my own perfect doll."

You want to retort that it's him who's in the palm of your hand, but Rafe sucks on a sensitive spot, causing your eyes to roll back and a whimper to escape your lips instead. He grabs your wrists with one hand, throwing them over his shoulder as he pulls you flush against his chest.

"So pretty, so fucking untouchable," Rafe kisses down the length of your throat, his fingers collecting the spaghetti straps of your dress before sliding it down the slope of your shoulders. "I'm going to fuck you so good."

His words snap you out of your haze. And while Rafe continues to expose more of your body, lamenting each reveal of flesh with a kiss, you withdraw enough to grab his attention.

"You're not fucking me in a car."

"What?" Rafe breaths, unable to snap out of the trace you had him in. Delirious with want, his mind warped around the idea of you being so close to attainable, that all rational manners left his system. He tries to kiss you again, to resume the moment, but you pull enough to send him a deadly glare, pouty and spoiled.

"Rafe, take me somewhere nice or we're not fucking at all."

He can't believe what he's hearing. He can't believe he's contemplating it. But Rafe doesn't understand that you have it all planned out to result in a perfect moment. You won't let it be disrupted just because Rafe can't drive the extra mile to take you somewhere nice. You'd rather leave him with blue balls.

"Are you serious?" He asks slowly, his eyes drawn to your swollen lips, the little pout, and the desperation to have them back on his. Sure, Rafe's had girls who wanted something more than a casual fling. He had them ask him for a better spot, but he never obliged. He never cared. But you're different. He wants you, and it's been a hell of a chase to get you here. He'll be damned if he lets it slip away because of a pretentious standard.

"Does it look like I'm joking?" You cross your arms over your chest, pushing your breasts further up. He nearly groans at the sight. "We're not having sex here."

"The nearest place has to be at least a fifteen-minute drive," Rafe argues. And it makes you upset, brows pinched together. "We can just—"

"I don't care," you snap. "Take me somewhere nice or I'm leaving."

You're serious. He sees it on your face. Rafe can't risk that, despite wanting to protest, because he knows he if he messes this up, he won't have another chance. Swearing under his breath, he drags himself out of the backseat and into the driver's side, pulling the car out of the parking lot.

Dangerously, Rafe speeds down the road, while you're sitting in the backseat with a self-satisfied demeanor, fixing your makeup through the rearview mirror. Occasionally, Rafe spares a glance through the same reflection, connecting with your gaze, and while there's subtle bitterness coiled in his chest, he recognizes the bigger prize at hand.

And what he can do with it.

Because, despite your bratty attitude, Rafe is a person who wants control. You want perfection. You two can have both.

That's how you find yourself in a newly-booked penthouse suite at one of the bougie hotels in Kildare, your head digging into the soft comforter of the bed, your ass in the air, as Rafe drills into you from behind.

When you reached the room, everything moved frantically. Rafe slammed you against the nearest wall to kiss you again—needing your lips, needing your taste—while his hands roamed over your dress and pulled down your cleavage, revealing your tits. Your hands wandered down his pants, unbuttoning them hurriedly, needily, and he assisted you by pulling them off alongside his boxers. His cock was big, slightly red with a pearly bead of pre-cum that rolls off the tip. And you could tell by the look on Rafe's face that he wanted you to suck it.

But you told him, "I don't do blowjobs."

So fucking pretentious.

It didn't matter. He hauled you over to the king-sized bed and pushed you onto the mattress. You landed with a soft thump, while Rafe hauled you up to your ass, pushing up your dress, until it became nothing but a bundle around your waist. His movements were urgent, and he wanted—no, needed—to be inside you because a bratty girl was going to be a great fuck.

And he was right.

You're perfect. The way you wrap around him, the way he sinks inside you. He doesn't know if it's because of the delirium of wanting you so desperately, of chasing you for so long—but he never had better pussy. And it doesn't help that your moans are sweet, breathy, and loud—begging him to go faster.

"Such a pretentious brat," Rafe grabs your throat, hauling you upwards till your spine rest on his chest, airway constricted by his harsh grip. "Making me wait this fucking long."

"R—Rafe," you mewl, eyes rolling to the back of your skull at the way he's angling his cock deep into your cervix, bullying the sensitive spot over and over again until you're seeing stars.

"Had to get the princess treatment, did you?" He murmurs hotly into your ear, nibbling a spot on your neck as you rest the back of your head on his shoulder. His thrusts grow more erratic. "Had to make me earn you, didn't you?"

"You weren't going to fuck me in a car," you persist, and despite how cockdrunk you became, and how much of an attitude you're willing to sacrifice to feel good, you were still adamant about receiving what you deemed enough. He respected that. "I'm not one of your whores."

"But I'm fucking you like my own personal slut. Is that any better?" He bites the lobe of your ear, and his other hand wanders up to grab a handful of your breast, squeezing the fat before rolling your perked nipple between his fingers. You moan louder. "What does that make you?"

You can't seem to answer him, can't seem to find your senses. The words Rafe uses are vulgar, but there’s still no regrets about this entire thing. Rafe wanted you so badly, that he was willing to spend hundreds of dollars on a hotel he probably won't even stay the night in. All because you demanded it.

You win.

"Shut up," you stammer, your stomach tightening. "Shut up and just fuck me, Rafe."

Rafe grins. The hand playing with your tits slips between your thighs to assist, finding your clit easily as he rubs it with his thumb in sync with his thrusts. Breathy moans escape you as you arch into his palm, while he pistons deeper inside of you, bottoming out.

"You sound so pretty, doll," Rafe murmurs against your heated skin, "Come on, take my fucking cock."

Everything’s so dirty. The way he handles you, the way your wetness drips down your thighs, the way his words breathe onto your skin and tighten your core. But you love it. You do, but you're not willing to give in so easily. No matter how good it feels. No matter how much he feels like a prize.

"You don't deserve me." You whisper with a mewl, body tightening with the familiar wave of your undoing.

Yet, Rafe merely grins.

"But you're sucking in my cock like you need me," Rafe taunts, pleasure coursing through his body at the way your walls grip him in a vice. The way your words spark challenge and invitation. He knows, despite your spoiled attitude and pretentious demands, he'll do anything to get another chance like this. "Now, behave like a good girl or you're not coming tonight."

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[cluethegirl]

so the idea here is that we act in accordance to our values instead of how we feel we should based on how people are treating you.

[itneverendshere]

LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST - r.c series - ONE

pairings: ex!sweethearts; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x sofia. chapter warnings: none (angst) chapter two┆ chapter three ┆ chapter four

The bass from the speakers rattled the glass in your hand as you leaned against the porch railing, eyes scanning the backyard for him—Rafe.

It had been a long month.

Longer than you thought it would be. Usually, when you and Rafe had your little “breaks,” they lasted about a week, maybe two at most. It was always something stupid, a screaming match that ended with slammed doors and his truck peeling out of your driveway. But it never lasted. It couldn’t. You’d known each other too long, been through too much, and deep down, there was this unspoken truth—he’d always come back.

But this time was different.

This time, he wasn’t calling or showing up at your window in the middle of the night, eyes tired and sorry, pulling you into his arms. The space between you had been growing wider since his dad died. And sure, maybe it was your fault for what you said after Ward’s death—But it was the truth.

Still, you hadn’t expected him to shut you out completely. Two months. Two months of silence. And the only thing you’d heard about him since was through Ruthie, Topper’s new girlfriend, of all people. A random comment at Mase’s place—something about how Rafe had been hanging around some pogue girl named Sofia.

You’d rolled your eyes at that.

Rafe? With some Pogue? Yeah, right.

You pretended not to care when she tossed it out like it was nothing.

You weren’t stupid.

You’d always known Rafe wasn’t the easiest guy to love. He was complicated, angry—but so were you. And in some messed-up way, that’s why you two worked. Or at least, why you thought you did. You were just as stubborn, just as damaged. But now, as you sipped your drink and looked around, something felt off.

Your gut was tight, and that nagging feeling that’d been growing restless under your skin since the breakup only grew stronger the longer you stood there.

You pushed yourself off the railing, discarding your drink on a table before moving through the crowd, past people you knew but didn’t bother with.

Your mind was set on one thing—Rafe. You were done with the break. You had your space. It’s time to get back together. It was never even really a question. It was just the way things worked with you two.

But then there was Ruthie—blocking your path, her wide smile dripping with the kind of smugness that set your teeth on edge. She looked like she was reveling in your misery and that little giggle she let out only made it worse.

"So glad you could make it!" she sang out, her voice too sweet, too bright. Her eyes flickered over you like she was sizing you up, taking stock of every inch of your perfectly put-together outfit.

You forced a smile, “Yeah, well, wouldn’t miss a party like this,” you said, keeping your tone casual.

You weren’t in the mood for whatever game she was playing.

“Oh, I just bet,” she replied, her smile growing wider. She stepped closer, her breath reeking of cheap wine, and you had to resist the urge to roll your eyes. Ruthie always drank too much at these things.

What the hell was her problem? She always acted like she knew something you didn’t, like she held the keys to all the dirty little secrets in Kildare, and she loved dangling them in front of people just to watch them squirm.

“Ruthie, I swear to God—” you began, but she cut you off, her grin widening.

“Oh, honey,” she cooed, her voice dripping with fake sympathy, “don’t get mad at me. I’m just the messenger. You should really be talking to Rafe about this.” She took a step back, still smiling, and glanced over her shoulder. “He’s around, you know. You can go find him yourself. See how cozy he’s gotten with her.”

You bit your tongue, jaw, forcing yourself to stay calm. She was trying to get under your skin, like the snake she’d always been. You couldn’t believe Top was lonely and horny enough to finally fall into her claws.

“Thanks for the tip,” you gave her a tight lipped grimace, brushing past her, didn’t try and wait for her reply.

You only caught glimpses of empty rooms along the way. You hadn’t seen him since the break, and part of you didn’t want to admit how much that messed you up. How much he messed you up. Your steps slowed as you neared the hall that led to the back of the house, the sound of voices filtering through the air. You recognized some, laughed at the drunken ramblings, until one voice cut through the noise. Rafe’s.

And then you heard hers.

No fucking way.

You didn’t stop. You couldn’t. You told yourself you just needed to see him, talk to him, tell him this break had gone on long enough, that you were done with the games. That’s when you heard it again—her laugh. It was light, flirtatious, the kind of laugh that made your stomach turn into a million different directions because you knew exactly what it meant.

She was there, with him.

You moved forward, the hallway barely lit as you reached the half-closed bathroom door. Your breath hitched, hands trembling as you peeked through the small crack, unable to stop yourself from looking.

There they were.

She was smiling, laughing softly at something he’d said, her fingers brushing through her hair as if she didn’t have a care in the world. Your breath caught in your throat as you watched his hands move, tying the knot in her bikini with such gentle precision like he’d done it a thousand times. The kind of softness he used to have with you. And then he said it, his voice teasing, amused like this was some kind of inside joke between them.

"God, this is just landing right in my lap, isn’t it?"

You froze.

He laughed quietly, his lips brushing against Sofia’s shoulder as he tied the last knot, and the way he touched her—like she was something to be savored—sent a rush of burning humiliation straight through your chest.

You stumbled back, your heart pounding in your ears as Rafe’s words repeated over and over in your head. Landing right in my lap.

What the fuck was this?

Your heart clenched, vision blurring as what you were seeing slammed right into you. You backed away, your hand flying to your mouth to stop the sob from escaping. But it didn’t help, not even a little. The tears burned, and you turned quickly, practically running back through the house and out the door before anyone could see the humiliating mess you were becoming.

It was real. He moved on in two fucking months. That’s all it had taken for him to replace you, to be done with you.

He was over you, just like that.

After everything you’d been through together, all the times you had to pull him out of his own darkness, the nights spent in his arms when you thought you couldn’t breathe because your whole family was gone—after years of being his and him being yours—how the fuck could he move on when you’d been rotting away in self loathing for pushing him away?

Your head spun as you stumbled down the steps, out to the street where your car was parked. You couldn’t breathe, it was coming out too fast, shallow, and your hands were shaking so hard you had to press them against your knees to hold yourself up.

What the hell was wrong with you? You hadn’t even had anything to drink. But your stomach was rolling, twisting in knots so tight you couldn't stand straight. You leaned against the side of your car, the cool metal grounding you to reality for a second before a wave of nausea hit, forcing you to double over and retch onto the pavement.

Tears stung your eyes as you coughed, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. You felt dizzy, disgusted even, everything you thought you knew, everything you thought was yours, had been ripped out from under you.

Without a single warning, not a text, not a stupid call, just pure indifference. No respect or regard for you. None of them. Everything you’d just seen replayed in your mind—Rafe, her, the way he touched her like she meant something to him.

“Look who’s still standing!” Topper’s voice. He was laughing as he strolled over, hands shoved in his pockets, that same carefree grin on his face that he always had at parties. “Jesus, what did you have to drink? You look like you’ve been hit by a truck.”

Normally, you might have had something to say back, maybe a fiery insult or a roll of your eyes. But right now, everything felt like too much. You couldn’t say a word.

Your cousin stopped beside you, his grin dropping as he finally looked at you. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He leaned down, trying to catch your eyes. “You good? You look kinda—"

You cut him off, the question was heavy, a lump lodged in your throat. “Did you know?”

He blinked, the confusion spreading across his face. “Know what?”

You swallowed, your heart hammering in your chest as you forced the words out, your voice shaking.

“About Rafe and Sofia.”

You hated saying her name. Hated that you’d been forced to know it by heart.

Topper’s smile dropped, his expression changing. He didn’t answer, but he didn’t have to, you knew him well enough to read his micro expressions. You clenched your fists, you were the only one in the island who’d been let out of the secret. Surely, your friends, your only family would’ve told you something right? It’s not like you were on a remote island away from them.

You’d spent the last month in New York, not in the fucking jungle.

You visited occasionally. You were a call away.

“Did everyone fucking know?”

Topper exhaled slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look, we didn’t think it was serious. You know how it is with you two—you’ve done this before. Played with other people…”

Played with other people. Like you and Rafe were just some game, a revolving door of heartbreak and hookups. It didn’t make sense. You’d always known how it worked, understood how these things went—but it was never real.

You stumbled back, feeling like you might collapse.

“Oh my God, I’m going to be sick again.”

He reached out, obviously concerned since he hadn’t seen you in this desperate state in years, “Hey, hey, calm down. Look, it’s not like it means anything. Rafe’s just—he’s going through a lot with his dad dying, and he… he’s just messing around. You know how he gets.”

But the words did nothing to soothe you. They only made it worse—how everyone knew, they’d all watched Rafe move on, while you were stuck, still reeling from the breakup, thinking he’d come back like he always did. And he was just out there, with her.

With someone else.

You pressed a hand to your stomach, your head hurting. The idea of Sofia, of Rafe being with someone else in ways that only you knew—ways that had always been yours—made you feel like you were being torn apart.

Topper was still talking, still trying to rationalize it, but his words were like static now, blending into the noise of the party behind you.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” he was saying. “You know how it goes. You always end up back together. He’s just doing whatever to distract himself.”

That word. Distract himself, as if your entire relationship could be boiled down to that—a series of distractions until you decided to come back to each other, to pick up the pieces and pretend everything was okay.

You could still remember the night your life changed—the phone call, the horrible, gut-wrenching moment when you learned that your family’s private plane had gone down. Your parents, your sister.

Gone, just like that.

Rafe had been the one to pull you through it. He was the one who had held you as you cried so hard you thought you were going to die, who sat with you in silence when you couldn’t bring yourself to speak, who stayed with you every single night because you were terrified to be alone in a haunted mansion that now felt like a mausoleum.

You'd been seventeen, and losing them all at once had killed something inside of you. But he was there. He wasn’t perfect—far from it—but he knew what it was like to grieve.

He knew loss, he understood. Because you’d been there for him two years earlier, when his mom lost her battle to cancer. You could still see the look in his eyes that day—fourteen years old and already drowning in so much anger and sadness, like the world had ripped something essential out of him.

The way he cried at her funeral when he thought no one was watching, and you’d found him, sat beside him in the cold, letting him cry without saying a word. You hadn’t started dating yet, hadn’t crossed that line, but something had changed between you two in those moments.

A connection, a bond forged in shared pain, in the kind of trauma that no one else really got. Maybe that was why you were so obsessed with each other, it was fucked up, but you couldn’t imagine anyone else understanding you the way Rafe did.

How could it all come down to this? To you standing here, feeling like the world was ending while he moved on, laughing and touching someone else like nothing you had ever been through mattered?

Was that it?

Did that one moment, that one argument about Ward, erase everything you’d done for him?

All the times you’d been there, the way you had comforted him when he felt like his life was spiraling? You remembered exactly what you’d said a month after the funeral, when your boyfriend blamed everyone but Ward for his own death. "He wasn’t a good person, baby. I know he was your dad, but you can’t pretend like he didn’t fuck you up."

You hadn’t even said it to hurt him, not really. It was just the truth. Ward had been a terrible father, controlling and manipulative, and you’d spent years watching Rafe try to live up to some impossible standard, chasing his father’s approval like it would ever be enough. But that didn’t make it easier for him to hear. You should have known better, how raw he was after losing his dad, how complicated his feelings were.

But instead, you’d been brutal. Honest, but brutal.

And now, two months later, here you were—staring at the empty street, wondering if you’d pushed him too far. If that one moment of honesty was enough to make him forget everything else. Now you were just the ex, the crazy one who didn’t know when to keep her mouth shut.

“Fuck, why did I say that?” you whispered to yourself, voice shaking. Why couldn’t you have just let it go?

But then another clarity of anger took over you, pushing away the guilt that had been building inside.

So you’d been too harsh about Ward. So you’d said what everyone else had been too scared to say.

It wasn’t like you’d been wrong. Ward had messed Rafe up.

Everyone knew it. He knew it, deep down.

You gritted your teeth, staring out at the dark street, the hum of the party still buzzing faintly behind you. You were never going to get that picture out of your head. Like they hadn’t just met, like you hadn’t spent years learning how to calm Rafe when he spiraled, how to hold him together when he couldn’t hold himself.

Your chest tightened again, a bitter taste rising in your throat.

You could still feel the weight of his head on your shoulder that night, years ago, when his mom passed. The silent sobs that shook his body, the way he’d held onto you. That was the real Rafe—the one he hid from everyone else, who was lost and broken underneath all the anger.

And you’d seen him, really seen him in ways no one else ever could.

Not Sofia. Not anyone.

"Look, you're emotional, okay? I get it. Maybe it's that time of the month or something. You know how you always get when your hormones go crazy."

The words got to you, but not in the way he probably thought they would. At first, it pissed you off, like it always did when people tried to downplay your emotions. Everyone always said you felt too much, that you were out of control.

But then…

You stopped moving, blinking rapidly as his words spiraled around in your brain. ‘Time of the month’, he'd said.

Your heart started doing summersaults, your stomach dropping as the idea settled in. You grabbed your phone, hands trembling like leaves as you opened the calendar app. You scrolled, trying to think, trying to remember when you’d last…fuck.

You hadn’t had your period in… so long. Almost two months.

No. No, no, no. This couldn’t be happening. It had to be some kind of fucked up joke. You felt light-headed as you reached for your car again, your body shaking so badly you could barely stand against the door.

"Shit."

How could you not have noticed?

Topper noticed the change in you instantly, his brow furrowing. "What’s wrong with you?" he asked, his tone softening a little. "You okay?"

You couldn’t even form a sentence. Your brain was too full of what-ifs. Two months late.

You hadn't even thought about it until now—everything had taken so much space in your head that you hadn't noticed the most obvious sign. This wasn’t possible. Your hand flew to your stomach, almost instinctively. You had no idea what to do with the panic creeping up your throat.

“Shit,” You hissed, this time louder, trying to push the growing dread down. But it wouldn't go away.

He was still staring at you, “What? What’s going on? You’re freaking me out.”

But you were already backing away, shaking your head.

“I—I need to go,” You mumbled, barely hearing yourself.

Your cousin moved quickly to block your path as you tried to make your way toward the door. That kind of protective streak only made you want to shove past him even more.

"You’re not driving in this state." he warned you, his hands up, trying to physically stop you.

You just glared at him, “Fucking watch me.”

He didn’t budge.

"You get in that car and I'm calling Rafe," he said, sounding dead serious.

You couldn’t believe it. Your head was already spinning, and he was trying to guilt-trip you like this was some kind of helpful thing to do?

You threw your hands up in frustration, voice rising, cracking.

"He’s too busy fucking Sofia. Knock yourself out."

The words felt like venom in your mouth, the bitterness rolling off your tongue. You didn’t care how harsh they sounded, you didn’t care about anything anymore except getting away from this suffocating stupid place.

Before he could say anything else, you made your move, pushing past him with all your strength, chest hurting with the urge to feel something other than this suffocating mess. Your hands shook as you fumbled for your keys, managing to unlock the door, sliding into the driver’s seat, the cool leather biting into your skin.

You needed to think. But all you could think about was that one, terrifying realization: you might be pregnant.

Your breath hitched, terror swirling around your chest. The calendar app was still open on your phone, the dates staring back at you like a flashing red warning sign, daring you to confront the truth you’d been ignoring. Two months. Two months without a period. And you hadn’t even noticed. You pressed a hand to your stomach again, heart pounding as if it was trying to escape your chest.

This couldn’t be happening. Not now. Not like this.

You weren’t thinking clearly—shit, you weren’t thinking at all, but you couldn’t stay here. Not with Topper trying to baby you, not with him out there, living his best life like you didn’t even exist.

You turned the key, the engine roaring to life, and just as you gripped the wheel, ready to peel out of the driveway, Topper bolted in front of the car, planting himself right there like some kind of human roadblock.

Fucking idiot.

His arms were stretched out wide, as if he could somehow stop you by sheer willpower.

“You’re not doing this, I swear to God, you’re not!” he yelled, his voice frantic, echoing off the dark street. He looked panicked, pleading even, like he was convinced you’d actually go through with it.

You gritted your teeth, eyes narrowing on him through the windshield.

“Top, I swear, you have three seconds before I run you over.”

“Are you serious right now?” he yelled, his voice cracking with disbelief. But he didn’t move. “You think I’m letting you drive like this? You’re out of your fuckin’ mind!”

Your fingers gripping the wheel so hard it hurt.

You weren’t bluffing, you were too wound up, too out of control. The only thing keeping you from flooring him was the fact that, deep down, you knew your cousin didn’t deserve it.

You just needed to get out of here.

“Move!” you screamed, “I’m not joking’, Topper. Get the fuck out of my way!”

His face twisted with frustration as he looked over his shoulder, something catching his attention. He started waving, yelling at someone, his voice cutting through the night.

“Rafe! Dude, get over here!”

Your brain stopped. It was like everything had been sucked out of you. Your hands froze on the wheel, your entire body locking up as you looked to your right and saw him—Rafe. Right there in the yard.

And she was with him. He had his arm draped around her casually.

As if he belonged there, just standing in the open, so stupidly comfortable in his new life. His head turned when he heard Topper call out, and your eyes locked for a less than a second.

A moment too long, amoment that broke something inside you.

While Topper was distracted, his attention on Rafe, you made your move. You slammed your foot on the gas, tires screeching as the car lurched forward, swerving just enough to dodge Topper’s stunned figure. You heard him yell after you, but his voice faded into the background noise as you sped away.

You didn’t look back. Not at Top, not at Rafe.

The only thing you could hear was the sound of your own heartbeat pounding in your ears, drowning out everything else. You hated this, hated that you were crying, that you’d let yourself get to this point.

“God, what is wrong with me?” you muttered, your voice quavering as the words tumbled out. “Why the fuck am I crying over him? I shouldn’t be crying over him.” You slammed your palm against the steering wheel, angry, disgusted with yourself.

You’d told yourself you were stronger than this—that after everything you’d been through, you didn’t need him or anyone else. But here you were, falling apart like some pathetic excuse of a mess because of him. Because he had always been there, hadn’t he? After the crash, after you lost everything, he was the one constant, the one person who kept you from completely losing it. You’d relied on him so much.

Too much.

“Fuck,” you hissed, tears streaming down your face. Your throat burned as the memories came flooding back, all the nights you’d spent together, him holding you while you cried yourself to sleep, of the way he’d pulled you out of the gloom when you thought you’d never get back up again. You thought he’d always be that person for you, the one who understood your broken pieces because he had his own.

You’d always fit together perfectly.

You pulled into the parking lot of the nearest drugstore, your hands still shaking as you put the car in park. The tears had dried up on the drive over, replaced by a cold determination. You didn’t want to be here. Didn’t want to even think about what you were about to do.

The moment you stepped out of your car and into the harsh fluorescent lighting of the drugstore, you felt completely out of place—like a stranger in your own skin. You hadn’t even thought about how ridiculous you must’ve looked until you caught your reflection in one of the store’s glass windows. Your hair, still perfect from earlier, framed your face in soft waves, and your makeup was flawless, despite the crying. The designer dress you were wearing—sleek, red, and worth more than half the shit in this store—with its sticky floors and white lights, it made you feel like an alien.

You didn’t belong here.

You caught the eyes of a couple of people loitering outside the entrance as you walked in, their stares lingering too long, murmuring to each other behind smirks. You knew they were talking about you.

They always did, kook queen, overdressed, out of touch, bitch, whatever they wanted to call you.

The sliding doors let out a grating beep as you entered, and the air inside was stale and heavy, reeking of floor cleaner and cheap perfume. You adjusted your grip on your purse, strutting past the aisles with your head high even though everything inside you felt like it was falling apart.

You always did this—dressed to kill, head up, like armor. But there was no real glamour in buying pregnancy tests from some random pharmacy in the middle of the night. No way to mask the deep, growing hysteria in your bones.

The girl behind the register clocked you the second you stepped up to the counter, her eyes dragging over your, she couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing. You could almost hear her thoughts: What the hell is someone like you doing here?

You didn’t bother looking at her, all you wanted was to pay for that shit and leave without a scene. But of course, people always found a way to make things worse. She hesitated before scanning the tests, looking like she might say something.

For her own good, you prayed she didn’t.

You threw the money on the counter before she could open her mouth, two crisp hundreds on top of the total. The cash hit the counter with a sharp thwap and you gave her the bitchiest look you could muster.

“Take it. Keep your fucking mouth shut.”

She swallowed hard, her hand trembling as she slid the bills into the register. You didn’t care that she was young or nervous. You weren’t here to make friends or for anyone’s sympathy. The extra money would make sure she didn’t talk, that was all that mattered.

You walked out, your heels clicking against the linoleum, head high, even though every nerve in your body screamed for you to disappear. You slid into your truck, slamming the door shut, the silence finally hitting you. For all the designer clothes, the makeup, the money—none of it meant shit right now.

You felt so small. So scared. Terribly lonely.

You sat there for what felt like forever, staring at the stupid bag in the passenger seat like it had the power to ruin your whole life—which, to be fair, it kind of did.

You didn’t know what the fuck you were going to do. Not about any of it. Your foot tapped nervously against the floor mat, the sound too loud in the quiet car. The bag crinkled as you glanced at it again, your stomach twisting all over again. A bunch of pregnancy tests.

How had it come to this?

Rafe. You squeezed your eyes shut, willing yourself not to think about him, not to picture his face when he found out. If he found out.

Shit, what the hell was he going to do? He was with Sofia now, right? So was this going to ruin his life too? Did he even deserve to know?

It was probably nothing, you told yourself. Maybe the separation anxiety had gotten to you. Your body was probably fucked up from all the stress. Perhaps your period was late because you’d been so all over the place lately. There could be a million reasons. You didn’t even want to think about what would happen if it wasn’t nothing.

You didn’t want to cry anymore, not after all of this, especially not over Rafe or your life turning into some fucking soap opera you didn’t even want to be a part of.

The second you were inside your house, the walls closed in around you. Your perfectly decorated place—the one you’d spent so much time making into a refuge, an escape—it didn’t feel like that anymore. Every designer pillow, every carefully chosen piece of art, mocking you. Your phone buzzed in your bag, you reached for it.

Of course, it was Rafe.

“I don’t know what the fuck that was but save the fucking dramatics, okay?”

The nerve.

The fucking nerve of him to act like he was the center of your universe, acting like you were some inconvenience.

Months of silence and this was the first thing he decided to text you? Knowing how much you despised when people called you a drama queen? Fucking piece of shit. Your fingers hovered over the screen, a thousand different responses running through your mind.

You wanted to tell him to shove something up his ass, but instead, you did the only thing that felt right in that moment.

You blocked him.

You stared at your phone, half expecting it to buzz again, half dreading that it wouldn’t. It was done. You cut him off, at least in that tiny, virtual way. You sat there for a minute, gripping the phone, trying to remember how to breathe.

This was supposed to feel empowering, right? You told yourself it would, cutting him out would help you get back some control. But your mind wouldn’t settle.

Those damn pregnancy tests were sitting in the bag next to you.

You were tired.

Exhausted in a way that had nothing to do with how late it was or how emotionally spent you were. You kicked off your heels, letting them clatter against the hardwood floor as you sank into the plush couch. Your house felt cold and unwelcoming tonight, no comfort to be found.

Not here, not in the muted tones of beige and white or in the sleek lines of furniture that were supposed to exude elegance and sophistication.

Maybe tomorrow you’d feel differently.

You'd wake up with a clear head, ready to take the stupid tests, you’d be strong again like you’d been so many times before.

Tonight, you were just tired.

You leaned back against the cushions, closing your eyes for a moment, willing the noise in your head to quiet down. Sleep.

That’s what you needed, a few hours to clear your mind, and in the morning, you’d deal with everything.

All of this would go away.

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[trashpremiium]

taking care of myself not because i actually care about my own wellbeing but because im a massive quitter and don’t like when things are hard